Bad advice: how to raise a child insecure

Self-doubt, tightness and closeness often come from childhood. These anxious feelings are powerful enough to harm a person's mental health, make him constantly feel doubts, solving vital issues. It is difficult to live fully, to reveal your abilities and realize yourself, if you constantly try to find approval from the outside, endlessly criticize yourself and fight with yourself.

And then, as a result, an unsuccessful choice of a partner, job, disappointment in oneself and in life, mental illness. If each of us was born and raised somewhere on a desert island, where there is no one to compare ourselves with, no one to rely on, no need to try to be better, then the concept of uncertainty would not exist for us. But this is impossible, a person is not an isolated being, we all live in society, we accept its rules and strive for the best.

Bad advice

Self-doubt is a person's underestimation of their capabilities and abilities. Having matured, such children understand that they have not achieved anything in life, demonstrate evil to others, blaming them for all the troubles.

If you nevertheless decide that a feeling of insecurity will not be superfluous in your child, follow the most harmful advice.

Criticize the child

Criticize your baby constantly, point out to him what he did wrong, and be sure to sharpen your attention on every mistake. If he has not yet learned how to do something, then regularly poke him into it with your nose, shame. Doesn't know how to go to the potty, it's awful, scold and say that all normal children already know how to do this and only those like him still pee in their pants. In general, compare the child more with other children, let him know that if something happens, you will take a new one.

It is even better if your irrepressible criticism is in a public place, in the presence of as many people as possible, and, absolutely great, if - among friends and relatives. Let outsiders scold and criticize your child, no less lesson.

Be sure to use words like "loser", "stupid", "mediocre" and other similar phrases towards the child. Try to drive not only into him, but also into your head that nothing good will grow out of a child, he will not learn anything.

Do not give an alternative, why praise the child, let him praise himself, you definitely do not need it.

Don't show excitement or praise for small accomplishments. I drew a nice picture, tried, spent a lot of time to give it to you, so what. If he becomes a famous talented painter, then you will approve of his kalyaks-malyaks.

Who is in charge

Always show your child your place, do not give the right to vote and own opinion, he is small and can not decide anything on his own. Choose clothes, toys and activities for him yourself, sign up for the section of your choice. What does he even understand there.

Everything he does for you is his responsibility as a child, so gratitude is unnecessary.

Don't let us argue with you, or give you advice.

Do not think that your child can cope with something on his own, meddle in his affairs and give a lot of advice to who, no matter how you know better, what to do.

Who's guilty

At every opportunity, point out to the child that he is to blame. In speech use the pronoun "you" instead of "I". Feel the difference: “I don’t really like that you come home late from a walk”, “I was upset when I found out that you got a C” and “you are careless, you walk late all the time”, “you are a vile C, you cannot study normally ". This is a great way of humiliation hidden behind the best intentions.

If you yourself made a mistake, spilled, broke, lost, boldly, in the eyes of other household members, blame the child, who will believe him.

Appearance

Do not hide flaws in his appearance from the child, point out protruding ears, thin hair, crooked teeth without deception. If you have a girl, take it even harder. Let him know that they will definitely not marry her.

You can tell the child that the appearance is not important for life, but never say what is important after all.

Do not pay attention to the baby's clothes, do not try to please him.

Perfection

Grow a perfectionist. Demand that the child be sure to do everything for five. You should not be satisfied with fours, second places. No - failures and misses, only forward. Every time the child does not succeed, show your wild disappointment to them. If everything worked out, do not be proud of him and do not praise, let this be an incentive to become even better.

Repeat every mistake many times, do not forget to repeat that you warned him. Teach not to show initiative, she is punishable, if she doesn’t know how, then let her not try. You don't need unnecessary frustration.

Words did not give

Do not give the child the right to explain the reasons for actions and actions, interrupt more, negotiate and conjecture for him yourself, stopping attempts to correct you. Do not keep secrets, feel free to tell everyone what the child wanted to hide. This will deprive him of even the thought of trusting you and destroy the initiative.

Your opinion

Your word is law, impose it on your child. “I know better”, “do as I said” are the most acceptable phrases. Be illogical and inconsistent. He brought home an A, scold him, there is nothing to be an upstart, let him give other children the opportunity to prove themselves. Remember to do the exact opposite next time.

Be ironic, forget about sincerity, laugh when the child apologizes.

Commitments

Always firmly demand to fulfill all obligations and keep your word, do not do this yourself, you are an adult, you can change your mind. Promise to punish and forget, let him suffer and think about his behavior. They said that you would definitely go to the circus, but you didn't want to, well, okay, stay at home, let yourself take care of yourself.

Demand more from day to day, do not pay attention if your child has no time left from your tasks, not only for games and rest, but even for study. Nothing, let him get used to it, life is not an easy thing. Do not think that the task may be overwhelming, it is not your concern, let it strive for perfection.

Friendship

Forbid being friends with children you do not like, let communication with peers do not interfere with studying and doing household chores, exclude him to the maximum. Do not mentally prepare your child for kindergarten or school, let him adapt himself. Explain as clearly as possible that most people are only troubles, the fewer people you bring closer to you, the better. Replenish the baggage of stereotypes for the child. Teach others to be jealous.

Invite only adults to birthdays and other children's holidays, children of what good will damage your repair and expensive dishes.

Time

There is not enough time for a baby, nothing, in the old days in families with a dozen children, they somehow grew up, and yours will grow up. If your conscience bothers you, buy it off. Gifts, branded clothing. Let him not then say that you did not give him anything in childhood.

Screams, punishments

Nothing will relieve your nervous strain like a heart-rending cry at a guilty child. He will definitely not answer you in kind, so you should not worry about the consequences. The child is not guilty, nothing, take it out, if you feel bad, let him forgive.

Beat the child, this is the most effective way to kill all normal feelings in him, to generate cruelty, to close in his own world.

Of course, all of these tips are harmful. And the life of a child at the same time seems terrible. A normal parent strives to give the best to his child, but we are all not perfect and we can make mistakes. It is important to realize them in time and correct them so as not to harm the baby's psyche. Psychologists argue that a person is not born with a set of traits and qualities that can determine future self-doubt, only during communication and knowledge of the world can we begin to doubt ourselves, be afraid to make decisions. The child gets the greatest experience in the family, from his relatives.
Self-doubt is often born in childhood and, like a splinter, sits in a person for many years. Help your child grow up calm, capable of self-respect, and trusting in himself and his capabilities.

Develop confidence in your child

Finally, we offer activities in the form of an exciting game to develop confidence in the child.

Our hero. Hang a poster with a portrait of a child in one of the rooms, prepare stickers. Let each family member write on a sticker every day for a certain period what the baby is unique in, what good he did in the day, what he succeeded in. The child himself can also describe himself. The finished poster can be hung in his bedroom so that the child has the opportunity to remember in anxious moments that he is unique and talented;
Piggy bank of victories. Make a box with your child, decorate it according to your child's taste. Let every day, upon returning from kindergarten or school, the child writes a small note of what he achieved today and throws it into the box, even if he records even the smallest victories. A five in the most difficult subject, a beautiful drawing, a victory in a sports competition, a pie cooked with my mother, etc .;
Complete the phrase. To find out how a child perceives praise and criticism from the outside, try to take a ball and throw it to the child, saying only the beginning of the phrase "I can ...", "I am doing great ...", "I am the best at ...", "I want to know ...", "I will learn ..." etc. Have the child continue each sentence;
Wizard. Imagine that you and your baby are wizards, you can transform and transform into animals and heroes of fairy tales and cartoons. Draw a character every time after transformation. Observe the child in which images he likes to reincarnate. If he is a tiger, a hero, a brave knight, it means that the baby wants to become brave, and if the child chooses inconspicuous roles, then he wants to remain in the shadows, he is inherent in shyness.

You can use personalized fairy tales, where the main character is your child, copes with difficulties, wins and is not afraid of anything.