Parental quarrels and scandals in the family: the impact on the child

We are all people, we tend to show a variety of feelings, along with joy and happiness, calmness and euphoria, we can get angry, be dissatisfied, tired and irritable. In communication with each other, all our inner emotions are manifested and take on life, one way or another, influencing another person. Quarrels in the family are most often inevitable, spouses differ in opinions and approaches to various things, complete agreement and mutual understanding is a rare phenomenon, so family conflicts become a painful issue. But the well-being of the family, harmony in it is inextricably linked with the emotional state of both parents and their children.

Parents often believe that, due to their tender age, their child does not grasp the meaning of quarrels and disagreements, and therefore allow themselves to express negative emotions vividly, without thinking about the feelings of the crumbs at that moment.

How family scandals affect the child

But the child is very sensitive to all changes in your behavior, he absorbs intonation, voices, taking even the tense silence of his parents to heart. What can we say about screaming and even assault.

Psychologists say that preschool age is the basis for educating a personality, character of a person, his attachments and preferences. Having not a lot of life experience, the kid is unable to understand the causes and consequences of family scandals, and, even without taking part in them, suffers mentally.

Regular family conflicts inevitably lead to a number of negative consequences for the child.

Psychological disorders

Behavioral factor. Quarrels between parents can provoke the development in a child of both aggressive, hysterical behavior (some children become aggressive, angry, pugnacious, constantly provoking conflict situations among peers), and, on the contrary, isolation, alienation, insecurity (other children become withdrawn, closed, they try communicate less and, often, try to shut themselves off from everyone). At first, the baby can hit and shout at the toys, and then transfer the demeanor into everyday communication with people. The child may stop obeying the parents, behave uncontrollably, as the authority of adults is undermined in the eyes of the baby. Over time, such problems only aggravate the child's mental health and further negatively affect the development of character in general. At an older age, this starts to develop into big problems.
Mental disorders. Constant nervousness, anticipation of a conflict situation, tension, the inability to accept anyone's side makes the child more excitable, anxious, contributes to the development of neuroses and serious mental illness.
Life experience. To choose their conflicting sides the one that is right, given the love for both parents, is a very painful task for the child. Seeing how mom and dad, who are an undeniable example for crumbs, quarrel and scream, the child begins to perceive such a manner of relations as the norm. He stops believing that friendly, tender relationships between people are possible. And later, in adulthood, she will begin to apply the experience gained in her own family, in relations with relatives and friends. Having witnessed scandals, the child ceases to value the family as a reliable stronghold, and family values cease to be meaningful to him.
Values. The development and acceptance of life norms and values for the baby inevitably suffers. It is difficult to bring up love, tolerance, friendliness, mutual assistance in a child, when instead of their manifestations in the family, the child often sees the opposite qualities, feels hostility, hostility between loved ones.
Gender relations. In conflicts between parents, the baby can choose the right one for himself, based on his own feelings and affections. So, if he communicates more with his mother, feels her closeness, then, regardless of the mother's rightness, he will highlight in a quarrel. Constantly seeing scandals and swearing, making one of the parents a victim in his own eyes, a child in later life may have a negative attitude towards women or men, becoming a misogynist or, on the contrary, hating men.

In young children, some scandals are so strongly deposited in their memory that they are almost the only memories from childhood. After all, an adult, after resolving the conflict, is able to control himself and forget all the unpleasant moments. It is very difficult for a child to understand why a scandal is happening. Children always think that they are the cause of contention. Obsessive thoughts arise that they interfere with everyone in their family and that no one loves them at all. Against this background, there is a feeling of uselessness and in the future all this develops into a huge pile of complexes.

Disorders of the physical plane

Speech and sight. Being in stress, constant anxiety contributes to a delay in the development of the child. Speech is especially affected, the baby may start speaking later, possibly the appearance of stuttering, various defects in speech. The child may lose the ability to focus on the subject, which indicates vision problems. In addition, it is a general scientific fact that constantly experienced stress affects the brain, and normal human development is directly related to this.
Sleep. The baby does not forget the scandal of the parents for a long time, they themselves have long been able to throw the incident out of their heads, and their child will still be worried about this. The baby's psyche is still very undeveloped, it is difficult for him to understand the causes of strife. Gradually, the child may have negative thoughts that he is not loved, and he himself may be the reason for the abuse of mom and dad. Because of their own experiences and complexes, it is sometimes very difficult for a child to fall asleep, and we all know the huge role of sleep in the development of a baby, his physical and mental health. Emotional excitement often leads to nightmares, disturbing sleep.

How to behave if a quarrel is brewing, or it has already taken place

Be silent. Wait to sort out the relationship until the child is absent or his sleep. Of course, it is difficult to do this if negative emotions and anger are seething inside, but then you are an adult in order to be able to restrain yourself. But you need to think about the consequences of the conflict and the fact that nerve cells are not restored. Try to distract yourself, count to a hundred, breathe in a square;
Stop. If a quarrel is already ripe, try to leave the place of conflict for a while, leave, urgently do something, transferring the conversation to later. You will cool down and in the future you will treat the situation with a "cold" head;
Watch your speech. Often in quarrels, parents begin to humiliate and insult each other. Humiliation is remembered for a long time even by an adult, not to mention a child. In addition, you do not need the baby to also use swear words and name-calling in speech;
Don't remember the past. As often in an argument, adults begin to recall past wrongdoings. Do not stir up old grievances, do not aggravate the situation;
Don't threaten. There is no need to scatter threats, especially those that you just speak in the heat of the moment, without planning to carry out, but simply in order to offend your opponent. The child takes everything seriously, will anxiously wait for the worst, giving rise to doubts and fear;
Express yourself calmly. When clarifying the relationship, try to minimize the level of irritation, speak calmly, measuredly, as if discussing an ordinary situation;
Calm down the baby. If the emerging conflict is understandable, mutual tension, discontent is felt, tell the child that everything is in order, that no matter what, you will come to common conclusions and make peace;
Explain. If the fight has already occurred, explain to your child what prompted you to do this. Be sure to reassure your child that everything ended peacefully. Explain to him in an understandable language why the conflict occurred. And convince him that everything was resolved. That the situation that happened will never happen again. And all said hurtful words and insults are a mistake, and dad or mom are good, kind, etc .;
Build normal relationships. Show your child that you are doing well. If the baby witnessed a scandal, do not show dislike for each other for a long time, show that you have made up, and life has become the same as usual. Try, really, to forgive the other half, because children keenly feel any falsehood;
Express love and affection. This applies to both each other and the child. Just hug your child, kiss, tell me how you love him. And the child must understand that in fact everyone in the family loves each other;
Talk about emotions and feelings. Tell your child that all people can express their emotions, and they have the right to do so, but you need to try very hard not to offend the other person in a bad mood. Show a personal example, calm each other, share your feelings and your child's;
Never lead quarrels to fights. This is an abnormal kind of conflict, a sign of a clearly painful relationship. The child should not witness assault. Otherwise, for him it can become the norm of life, seriously traumatize the psyche and greatly affect the future life. If your family conflicts are very serious and comes to assault, then this should be seriously thought about. At a minimum, you should calmly discuss the situation with your spouse in a suitable setting. Or seek help from a family psychologist. After all, every adult should understand that children are our reflection. And what model of the family the child sees in childhood, he will build the same in adulthood. If beating is part of the relationship, think carefully about whether it would be best for your child if your couple break up.

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A boy who grew up in a family where his father constantly beat his mother is simply not able to be distinguished by good upbringing in relation to a woman. It will be just the norm for him to resolve any conflict in his family with his fists. He will not have respect for his own mother, and, accordingly, for all other women.

For a girl, upbringing in such a family is the main model of a woman's behavior. In the future, she will simply lack self-respect. It will be a normal way of life for a girl to be a victim, to walk with bruises. This will be the model of the family that she has become accustomed to since childhood.

Remember that good family relationships are the key to the normal development of your child. The family is a stronghold, an unbreakable wall for every child. Parents are a role model and undeniable authority. You are responsible for the psyche of your child. Truly loving mom and dad will never allow their own troubles and relationship problems to affect the child's health, they will definitely try to smooth out conflicts, surround the child with peace and love.