Having a baby is a big step. Having a baby comes with serious costs, tedious chores and a huge responsibility. That's why it makes sense to ask yourself these fifteen questions: you can figure out if you're ready for a baby or not yet. To understand if you are ready to become a parent, you should honestly answer the questions below.
15 questions that should be answered as sincerely as possible will help you determine if you are ready to have a baby. Your answers determine your awareness of your readiness to become parents of a happy and properly developing child.
1. Why do you need a child?
This is not an idle question. Thinking that you need a child, you may actually be guided by other motives. This is the desire for social stereotypes (“it’s time for me to have children”), to improve your relationship (“we will have a real family with the child”), this desire for everything to be “like everyone else”, it may also be a desire to relax from work or avoiding dismissal, this can be material benefits.
It is clear that all these desires are not associated with love, care and the motive to make the baby happy. Often, future parents, planning a child, pursue only selfish goals, completely not thinking about what the baby will be like.
If, giving an honest answer to the question, you chose one of these options, then you need not so much a child as the satisfaction of ambitions and selfish desires. Probably, you will not be ready for the fact that the child himself will want and demand something from you. First you need to establish your own life, and only then think about the appearance of children.
2. Do you like spending time with young children?
If you are happy to babysit the babies of your girlfriends or sisters, are ready to lead one-year-old toddlers and answer the questions of a three-year-old for hours, most likely you will be happy to spend time with your baby. But even if your answer is no, don't be upset. Many are annoyed by other people's children, but everything changes when their own children appear.
Just analyze why you answered this question that way.
3. Do you have the material resources to provide the child with everything necessary?
The child constantly needs new things, quality food, developmental activities. Think about whether your budget can handle such expenses, can you give your child everything he needs?
It only seems that the newborn does not need anything other than the mother's breast. Even if someone gives or buys a stroller, crib and sliders to you, the baby will need personal hygiene items: diapers, creams, powder. Unexpectedly, you may need medications: anti-allergic, pain relievers, anti-colic. And then the time comes for the introduction of complementary foods, and this is again purchases: porridge, mashed potatoes, curds. And the child grows, and his needs grow with him: toys, books, pencils, a beautiful dress for the matinee in kindergarten are needed. Not to mention personal space: a child needs, if not a separate room, then at least his own corner with a crib, wardrobe and a place for games. In any case, be prepared for the fact that, whatever your total income, money will inevitably have to be redistributed in favor of children's needs. Ask yourself if you are exactly ready for this before your baby is born.
4. Do I want to be like my parents?
Most likely, each of you so far has basically only one example of parenting before your eyes - your own father and mother. Ask yourself: Did your parents raise you the right way? And you, willy-nilly, adopted their methods of education. If you had a happy childhood, then everything is fine. But if you were categorically not satisfied with the way your parents communicated with you, you will have to work on yourself so that, on the one hand, not to make their mistakes, and on the other, not to rush to another extreme.
It is not simple. For example, your parents restricted you in everything and forbade you a lot. Of course, you will want to let the child do everything. Or if you have not bought toys, you will be ready to inundate the child with gifts. Of course, such actions will not lead to anything good in the end.
5. What is a “good parent” for me?
Before the baby is born, should we discuss together what kind of “good parent” is he? What rights and responsibilities does he have regarding the child? How should you build communication with your child? What can you teach him? Get ready for the fact that you will be solving these questions all the time while you are responsible for your child. It is important that you follow the same line in raising him. It is especially important to discuss these moments with the whole family and come to a unanimous decision, because the worst thing for a child is when family members have different ideas about what is good and what is bad, what can and cannot. If you clearly understand this, you will most likely succeed.
6. Are there people around you who are ready to support you? Can you count on the help of your loved ones?
A small child is a serious burden. The young mother gets tired both physically and emotionally. It is important that you have people around you who are ready to listen to you and support you.
Of course, it is possible to raise children without outside help. But the fact is undeniable that having loving grandparents who can come, cook dinner, take a walk with your baby, look after him while you sleep or are gone on business, makes life much easier. If you have loved ones ready to help, you should not neglect this opportunity and try to take everything upon yourself. Be grateful to them, because they freed you from some of the worries. But if there are no such relatives, consider whether you are ready to cope with everything on your own.
7. Are you thinking about having a baby to keep the relationship?
Yes, sometimes children can help maintain a crumbling relationship, but alas, not for long. Think about what will happen if the marriage cannot be saved, but the child is already born.
8. Have you ever spent time with children?
Have you had any experience with other people's children, how did you feel? Have you ever looked after them? What did you like and what did not? Did you succeed? Are you ready to deal with such chores every day?
9. Are you ready to change your current lifestyle? Are you ready to give up your own comfort?
Are you ready for the fact that you will have to drastically change your lifestyle. Do you realize that if you like noisy company, parties, parties, travel, or are used to disappearing at work for days, all this will have to be temporarily abandoned?
If you think that a small child only eats and sleeps, you are wrong. It is a mistake to assume that a mother, having given birth, in between feedings will, as if nothing had happened, make a career, look after her and go with her girlfriends to a cafe while the baby is peacefully sleeping in a stroller.
Expectant mothers plan to continue meeting with their friends in a cafe, putting the baby in a sling or stroller; work from home; devote a lot of time to yourself and your appearance.
It is also a mistake to believe that dad will not change his daily routine (after all, taking care of the baby is supposedly "mom's problem") and that he will get enough sleep, meet with friends and watch hockey on weekends (with friends and beer). It will not happen.
And there will most likely be sleepless nights, the inability to eat quietly, to snatch at least a minute for yourself. You have to go to the toilet and take a shower on schedule. Added to this is a complete rejection of meetings with friends, parties and most entertainment. Yes, someone is lucky: there are “gift children” who sleep all night for almost a month and are never capricious. But usually in the morning both parents have no strength, and there is a long day ahead, filled with worries. And at night again, all the attention goes to the baby.
Of course, all this will pass. The crumbs will have their own daily routine, and you will gradually begin to meet with friends or have fun. Of course, you will have to adapt to the baby: redo household chores, using any free minute, and plan rare outings for two to the cinema or cafe only if someone can be with the child. Are you ready to live in this mode?
10. Are you ready for a lack of sleep?
If you are used to sleeping as long as you want and taking a nap after lunch on the weekend, then with the birth of a child, everything will change. You will be deprived of the opportunity to sleep well for a long time.
11. Are you ready to face challenges with optimism?
Raising and raising a child is difficult. But, of course, no difficulties associated with children are not a reason to abandon parenting, which, among other things, fills life with new meaning, moments of happiness and extraordinary discoveries. But do not forget that postpartum depression occurs not only among mothers, but also among fathers. New fathers are prone to hormonal changes that lead to the same symptoms of postpartum depression that are commonly seen in mothers. Therefore, both expectant parents need to prepare themselves well in order to meet with optimism all the difficulties that are written about in the previous paragraph. A child needs calm, wise, healthy and happy parents.
There are times when you want to give up, and this desire becomes stronger than the happiness that a child gives you. But the baby does not need tense and nervous, but loving, calm, wise and healthy dad and mom. Are you able to be that way for him and for yourself?
12. Does it annoy you when children are naughty or noisy in public?
Many people condemn parents whose children throw tantrums or run around screaming in supermarkets, are naughty on the plane, make noise in restaurants or cafes. Expectant moms and dads usually think that their own children will never behave this way. In fact, there is no child in the world who has never rowd or thrashed in public. And you should be prepared for such behavior.
13. Are you ready to come to terms with changes in appearance and outlook?
Changes in appearance, exacerbation of chronic diseases, hormonal surges, expect, of course, the mother. Another figure, hair and nails that no longer look perfect, stretch marks on the skin are something that no one is immune from. Of course, external changes happen to everyone, but this comes with age, gradually, whereas pregnancy and childbirth can change a woman in a matter of months. Over time, you can get in shape, but some changes will still remain. Both mom and dad need to take them for granted. And mom will have to try to find time for herself: take care of her health, lead a correct lifestyle.
Both of you will surely change your attitude: what you were tolerant to before may turn out to be critical, and vice versa. You will begin to perceive people in a different way and notice what you did not pay attention to before. This is not a reason to be afraid to become parents, you just need to be able to accept it.
14. Do you understand that life will never be the same again?
Yes, it is: your life will be different, and you will never be as carefree as before. And it's scary. But, having realized this, try to look at the situation from the other side: let the upcoming changes not scare, but inspire you. The appearance of a baby will turn your life upside down. Rest, work, entertainment and hobbies, interests and concerns will be completely different from before. And you will never be able to return to the time when you were free and carefree. But, most likely, you will not want this, because parenting opens up new horizons. Many mothers and fathers, only with the advent of a child, understand what is really worth striving for: they change their profession and lifestyle, find a new hobby or start working for themselves.
15. Who will your child be to you?
The last question, which is closely related to the first. Depending on what your motives are, your child will play one role or another in your life. Of course, the ideal role is that of a child. But sometimes parents want to see their children as toys or pets; your friends; replacement for a deceased relative or ex-husband; an improved version of themselves, accomplishing what they failed. Any such role is a big and unnecessary burden for the little person, which deprives him of freedom of thought and action, dictates to him how to live, and forces the parents to treat the child incorrectly. Let the baby become a new person in your life, allow him to be a person who has his own characteristics of character, addictions, desires and rights. This is the best thing you can do as a parent.
You are ready for parenting if you understand this.
- 5 things to think about before planning your baby
- 6 signs you are ready to become a parent
