What to do if a child steals money from parents: advice from a psychologist

The topic of theft is relevant in many families. Even the most educated children steal. This problem has been little studied; the fact of theft can also be detected in a well-to-do family.

Parental Feelings: Shock, awkwardness, and shame are the first reactions. Often the problem is hushed up, hidden. The child is reproached, predicted a criminal future, or even subjected to physical punishment. In fact, in most cases, not everything is so scary. It depends on the reaction of older family members whether the act will be repeated or not, whether it will be fixed in the mind of the little person.

At the age of three, the baby begins to separate his self from his parents. Self-awareness, the understanding of "mine is someone else's" develops.

Age is proof that he understands a bad act. Although there are times when at the age of five the baby gives an account of his actions, and at seven does not realize that he has appropriated someone else's. Everything is individual and requires close attention and qualified assistance.

Took a thing without asking: reasons

Asocial behavior is often found in non-responsible, weak-willed children who have not been instilled in values, have not been explained the difference between their own and someone else's. Do not forget that the first teachers are parents, and only after that society.

If the offspring got into a bad company in order to prove his authority, he is capable of much. If at home his hobbies and problems do not matter and he is rejected, the child goes to seek solace on the street.

We understand the motives if the child steals both at school and at home

The pangs of conscience are great, but the desire to possess someone else is much stronger.
Dissatisfaction - psychological and / or material. (Perhaps his ideas about what is needed are different from yours.)
Insufficient understanding of morality and willpower.

A person of any age is capable of a wrongful act. If he wants something very badly, he can give in, justifying his own weakness, coming up with various excuses. Such thefts are sporadic and remain without consequences. The culprit suffers from remorse, hides even from relatives, does not use the trophy - throws it away or hides it.

If friendly and outspoken kids suddenly steal something, they especially need help. With the help of conversation, parents should exclude material gain and revenge. The usual scenario: the child cannot explain why he did this. Relatives are upset that the culprit is cheating. They wait and even demand repentance. But the more aggressive the methods, the thicker the wall, and the further you are from the truth. Often the problem of theft first appears at a very early age. Then the guilty person is punished without clarifying the essence of why this happened. And at the age of 13-14, the situation escalates with renewed vigor.

Think about your own relationships, negative changes (divorce), hostility and cold - all affect your baby. Start with yourself and improve the atmosphere in your home. There is little desire to change your offspring, you need to pull yourself together, shout less and show more love.

Revenge. Things disappear from classmates to whom there is envy. Such "trophies" are hidden, no material gain. With the help of unlawful actions, the student increases his significance in his own eyes. Of course, he is not popular at school. If you recognize your child at this point, praise him. For everything, for any good deed, praise immensely, he lacks this. Establish a relationship of trust. Do not set material grades for achievements, no money for grades. Your child lacks emotional closeness and self-confidence, not money.
Moral education. The culprit does not think how upset others are, he does not care about the possible consequences. This happens when the little man was not explained what he took without asking and the owner would be very upset. It is useful to read, and then discuss thematic tales and stories. This is especially effective at 6-7 years old.

In no case do not leave him alone with the act, do not reproach or deprive him of love. Let him know that everything can be fixed, give a helping hand, teach him to be responsible, help to rehabilitate.

What if a thief is caught?

And if you are not caught, then do not blame, and even when you are caught by the hand, control your speech. Accusations, especially groundless ones, can generate an inferiority complex, sometimes one incident is enough for this. Irreparable damage will be done to his personality. Let the baby know that he can fix everything, this will keep him confident.

After the misconduct, a continuation is expected, in each act theft appears, this pushes to new crimes. Misunderstanding and rejection by household members leads to anger. And the appropriation of things is already becoming not only revenge, but also a way to satisfy material needs.

Features 7 years old

Remember that children 5-7 years old are not criminals, they do not knowingly steal - they just take. The baby thinks she has the right to whatever she can reach. Everything in this world is "mine" until the household shows the boundaries of what is permitted. Children who are not told what is right do not feel guilty, they only get relief from having what they want.

If you catch a child stealing at the age of 7, solve this problem with love, offer him your help. Reconsider your attitude, assure you of love. Patience shown will help you deal with the problem faster.

For you, this is a sign that the student feels deprived, unloved, and the connection with his parents is weak. Love and recognition are the basic needs of every person. Their lack will entail serious problems with adaptation in society. The desire to be popular is much stronger than the fear of punishment. It is at the age of 6-7 that boys and girls become dependent on relationships with peers. For example, the offspring can win the favor of friends by buying sweets for them, and stealing money from you. In this case, teach him to be friends, figure out how you can interest your classmates.

Features of adolescence

At 8, 9 and 10 years old, theft appears due to insufficiently developed willpower. He simply cannot resist, although there is shame for his actions. At the age of 8, they already have responsibility for themselves, children become more independent. The desire to join the team, to be in a peer group is very strong. It seems to them that they are deprived if their classmates have something that they do not have. Then the thefts are due to the need to be "like everyone else" or to compete with friends. In this case, the child can steal not only at home, but also in stores.

Tips for parents:

Develop independence in your child, let the baby set goals for himself and learn to achieve them.
Give more freedom, let him do what he can already do.
Discuss the family budget. Come to a compromise, for example, give up something in order to save up for the thing that the child needs.
Offer him your own income. For example, delivering newspapers or advertisements, helping around the house for a couple of hours and getting extra money for it.

Teenager

In adolescence, theft among children is the most. Indeed, it is during this period of life that many changes await them, physical, social and psychological. At this age, peer pressure (possibly even coercion) is added to the listed reasons.

In general, the situation with a teenager is much more serious than with babies. It is not possible to protect him by force from the "bad" circle of contacts, and persuasion can lead to the opposite result, he simply will not listen to you.

The ideal option is to create a social circle in early childhood. For example, they can be the children of your friends, classmates, or children with common interests. When you already have friends, you can unobtrusively get to know everyone. Invite to visit, if possible, get to know the parents.
If the situation is out of control, cases of theft occur more often, and you notice other difficulties in communicating with the child - this is a reason to turn to a specialist, to a psychologist.

Prevention: what to do to prevent

As a preventive measure will help:

Confidential conversation - share your experiences, discuss problems.
Direct your activity to interests - sports, drawing, photography. He will meet like-minded people in the classroom, feel happy, busy and needed.
Do with others the way you want to be treated with you - this is the golden rule for every person. It will teach you to empathize and reflect on the feelings of others.
At every age, there should be responsibilities, within the forces, of course. You can be responsible for watering flowers or going to the store. It's up to you, but gradually he will take on more and more responsibility.

No thefts!

Fear of punishment and compassion for the victim keeps many people from unlawful actions. The most important moral lesson for our children is family. It is the behavior of loved ones, the example of the mother and father, that teaches us to prioritize.
Do not give vent to anger - by doing this you deprive your baby of confidence, and in the future you will deprive him of normal relationships with people.
Beatings, physical punishments, and even with threats to turn them over to the police - will embitter and embitter children, they will live in full confidence that they are vicious.
Share the responsibility, show that his act makes you sad, but at the same time make it clear that you will not leave in trouble. The best medicine is a heart-to-heart talk, a discussion of your feelings.
Get to the bottom, find out the real reasons for what is happening. There could be a serious problem behind what happened.
Don't order, look for a way out together. Of course, the stolen must be returned. But the offspring can count on your support. Take the thing together, in extreme cases, put it discreetly to the owner.
Temptation. Do not keep your money in visible places. Teach you how to properly manage your own funds.
Praise for honesty. The child has brought a lost toy - look for the owner. Tell us how happy the baby will be that she was returned. Make it clear that this is exactly the reaction you expected, no other could be.

Lying: how to wean

Lying is a sign of a crisis of trust between the beloved baby and the parents. You need to understand which of the needs the baby is trying to satisfy with the help of lies. It can be a developed imagination, lack of attention or fear of punishment, fear that parents will stop loving.

The following steps will help you:

Resolve the internal conflict, help fix the situation. Become an ally, teach you how to solve emerging problems.
Do not try to completely control the child. Total control will make you want to distance yourself, protest, and lie even more.
Separate reality and fiction. Offer to compose a fairy tale together if the kid has a violent imagination. Make sure he understands the difference between reality and a fairy tale.
Show everything by example. Don't make empty promises, don't cheat. You are an example for your children, it is good if it is positive.
Don't pressure your teenager, expand his personal boundaries. Highlight the "credit" of trust. Make him feel independent.
Theft and lies are different outcomes of largely similar problems. They often accompany each other. In any case, both are a serious signal for parents. Don't let the situation take its course: you and your children have the right to be happy, self-sufficient people.

Make it a rule not to punish the truth. Discuss the situation, explain how to proceed. Emphasize your unconditional love and willingness to help in any situation.