The expectant mother is shown only the positive and beautiful side of motherhood. But what is hidden behind a beautiful picture and why are experienced mothers silent about it?
The life of young parents would start out quite differently if they knew in advance about the difficulties they would have to face after the birth of a child. But in the rainbow dreams of moms and dads, a child is a cute lump that you want to endlessly kiss and photograph. Already at the wedding, the parents of the newlyweds are actively beginning to demand grandchildren, because children are the greatest happiness! But after the appearance of offspring, all the complaints of young exhausted mothers have prepared standard sarcastic answers, like: "Did you think it would be easy?" or "Well, you knew what you were doing!" And friends who have already had time to give birth are in no hurry to talk about all the difficulties that await young mothers. I wonder why?
The first reason I was voiced by a good friend of mine:
Why intimidate expectant mothers in advance? After giving birth, in any case, they will have to go through all the difficulties of motherhood, but against the background of happy moments, these problems will not seem so scary. There is no need to thicken the clouds and paint everything with black paints, otherwise the expectant mother may think that caring for a baby is just nights without sleep and an endless change of “dirty” diapers.
Surely you have noticed more than once that even when complaining about difficulties, parents often add: "In spite of everything, I love my baby more than anyone else in the world." A person without children will ignore this phrase, and only negative will remain in his memory. No wonder ...
This reason can be called the main one, but it is far away not the only one paint motherhood in pink. The grandparents, who asked their grandchildren in such a way, gleefully recall their sufferings and remember well the times when they themselves raised their children - by the way, without diapers, washing machines, multicooker and other devices that make life easier for modern parents. Of course, there is a tiny chance that over the decades they managed to forget all their sleepless nights spent near the crib, and now they really dream of calm, sweetly snoring grandchildren smelling of milk. But in most cases we have a strong feeling that this is just their credo: “We suffered, now it's your turn to suffer. And then your children will suffer. Didn't suffer - not a mother! " And for all the complaints of young parents, the older generation will only reproach them for laziness and irresponsibility, instead of providing real help.
And of course the so-called "White coat syndrome"which is actively thriving on the internet. Where are we without him in family life? A psychoanalyst friend of mine explained to me in an accessible form how things really are with those mothers who sing about their ideality on forums and blogs.
- Many of them do not want to tell the whole world about their happiness to show off in social networks, and not even the opportunity to earn money by advertising baby products;
- They are spammed with beautiful photographs, often out of dissatisfaction with their own lives. The child's dad may not take an active part in caring for the baby, preferring to spend time with friends, may abuse alcohol and even practice assault;
- Children may not be as perfect as their mothers are trying to make them look like. They can make their parents scream a dozen times a day, disobey and throw tantrums for any reason. Apart from a clean corner next to the bed and toys, the apartment may be a complete mess. But this will never be admitted to you, and you will never know this truth. Everything is fine with them, they are the best mothers in the world, caring wives, they have no problems with breastfeeding, they make the best crafts in kindergarten and show the baby cards with assignments, and their children are always healthy and sleep sweetly in their beds all night;
- They do not talk about real difficulties and their problems and will always remain silent. On the other hand, they will most likely arrogantly reproach you and poke your nose that you are lazy and cannot do anything worthwhile. Probably you have seen such moms more than once in the comments of any article in popular blogs, forums and social networks. And after reading such posts, expectant mothers have an illusion that caring for a child and motherhood itself is easy, the main thing is not to be lazy and to treat everything positively. This is their main mistake!
And finally fourth reason... No matter how trite it sounds, but it's money. A happy pink-cheeked baby, a clean apartment with a cozy children's corner and a beautiful smiling mother with makeup in commercials - this beautiful picture shows us happy motherhood and sells it quite successfully. And at the same time, baby diapers, purees, educational toys, sophisticated stylish baby carriages, eco-friendly toys and a lot more: just buy, and your child will be the happiest!
Being a parent is fashionable. And in fashion there is no place for swollen eyes from tears, tangles in the hair, scars on the abdomen, postpartum depression and scandals with her husband. And there should be no place for the daily routine and bruises under the eyes from lack of sleep. In the advertisement, a baby in a diaper sleeps peacefully all night in his crib (do they often see this ?!), and does not bite into the chest of a sleeping mother all night long. And it certainly doesn't smear waste products on the carpet. Unless she scatters a bag of muesli - but a smiling mother will clean up the mess with a miracle vacuum cleaner in a matter of seconds.
And the most offensive thing about this is that no matter for what reasons, they constantly hide the TRUTH from us. Feel like a dystopian hero, dear mothers! But is it right that someone is allowed to decide everything for us? Every expectant mother has the right to know what actually awaits her after the birth of the child. At least in order to mentally prepare for motherhood.
Photo gallery: Being a mom is ...
(clickable pictures)
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We also read
- The joys of motherhood that no one warns about in advance
- The flip side of motherhood or what is not spoken about before the baby is born
- Template stereotypes that prevent a young mother from living
- 3 sins that many young mothers are silent about: a personal story
- "I'm tired of being a mom": 5 tips for improving life with a child after a year
- How not to go crazy after childbirth
- It's boring to sit at home with a small child: what to do and how to diversify your life?
