The fear of giving birth to a sick child is in one way or another common to all women, because for a mother there is nothing more important than the health of her child. But there is a big difference between natural fear and pathological fear (phobia). In this article, we'll explain why and where this fear comes from, and how to deal with it.
Where does the phobia come from?
Fears for the state of health of a child (future or already growing under the heart) are quite normal and characteristic of all women without exception.
About phobia (pathological fear) they say when fears occupy all thoughts, fear practically paralyzes, forces a woman to commit rash acts (refuse to conceive a baby, have abortions, etc.). With a phobia, fears are long-lasting, pronounced and obsessive.
The reasons why this fear develops are numerous. First of all, they lie in the transfer of someone else's experience to oneself. Every day we all see sick babies on television and on the Internet who need help and fundraising. On the one hand, such stories awaken the best in people - compassion, participation, a desire to help. On the other hand, the pictures seen are firmly deposited in the subconscious and gradually form a fear that this may well happen to a particular woman.
Very often, fear begins to accumulate in a girl as early as childhood, when she watches films, communicates with peers, sees disabled children. In the absence of correct perception of other children with disabilities, in case of rejection of someone else's pathology as a given, the formation of a deep subconscious fear of becoming a mother of the same child also begins.
For a long time, a woman may not be aware of this, and only when it is time to think about offspring, or pregnancy has already begun, the first signs of a phobia may begin to appear, which can quickly turn to the level of a panic attack.
The reasons that most often cause fear of giving birth to a defective child are:
feeling of own powerlessness (a woman cannot influence genetic processes, embryo development);
negative experience of her own past (a woman has already had children with disabilities, there have been cases of stillbirth, miscarriages and frozen pregnancies);
negative experience of other people (in the families of friends, neighbors, acquaintances there are children born with anomalies and pathologies);
poor health of the woman herself and her husband (there are chronic diseases, defects, pathologies);
the woman's age (usually after 35 years, fears are stronger);
bad habits in the past or present;
genetic background (the family had children with congenital defects, diseases).
Quite rarely, but it also happens that a woman cannot clearly formulate the reasons for her own fear, all of the above cases have nothing to do with her. In this case, they talk about an idiopathic phobia, the correction of which necessarily begins with a visit to a psychotherapist-hypnologist to identify the cause (and it always exists, just not always obvious).
Fears are fueled by acquaintances, friends, doctors. The latter sometimes quite often tell the expectant mother about certain negative consequences of her behavior, nutrition, complications during pregnancy. Sometimes ultrasound or laboratory diagnostics reveal some abnormalities. They do not at all indicate that the child in the womb is sick, but for a woman this information is comparable to the news of the imminent end of the world.
Finally, up to 95% of all fears occur due to the lack of reliable, truthful and honest information about why and how fetal pathologies develop, how abnormalities are inherited. Lack of basic knowledge in the field of genetics, biology, medicine makes a woman almost helpless in front of the flow of negative information, pouring out on her every day both before pregnancy and during the gestation of the baby.
Is it dangerous?
The influence of fear on the work of the human body occurs at several levels at once. First of all - on the hormonal. With fear, stress hormones are produced in a woman's body, which partially block the action of sex hormones, so it becomes much more difficult for a woman who is afraid of getting pregnant to conceive a child.
If fear appears after the news of the accomplished fact of conception, then the hormonal disorders associated with it can cause miscarriage, as well as various deviations in the course of pregnancy itself.
Psychosomatics, which is at the intersection of psychology and medicine, claims that it is fears that cause the most severe and long-lasting diseases in humans. The stronger the fear, the greater the likelihood of complications during pregnancy and childbirth.
On a physiological level, fears lead to muscle tightening. As a result, the cervix prepares worse for childbirth, contractions become more painful, and the likelihood of birth trauma increases for both the baby and the woman in labor.
The psychological state of a woman leaves much to be desired. Given all this, the statement that fears are material does not seem so ridiculous - everything that a woman imagines in her nightmares may well be embodied in reality in one form or another.
That is why it is necessary to fight against the fear of giving birth to a sick baby. And this is quite a feasible task.
Correction methods
Leaving fear as it is and doing nothing with it is potentially dangerous for both the woman and her child. therefore you need to start with the recognition of fear - it is, it is big, it is caused by reasons or a number of reasons. What, a woman can answer herself, but it is possible that in realizing the depth and degree of the problem, she may need the help of a professional female psychologist, psychotherapist, psychosomat.
Second action - devaluation of fear. Remember how in childhood we were all afraid of the dark figure, which, as it seemed to us, was behind the door to the nursery. When we grew up, we realized that this figure was not a bogeyman and a monster, but just a shadow from a lamp or chest of drawers that stood at the exit. After that, we ceased to be afraid of this figure, even if we see it again at night. Our greatest childhood nightmare is disarmed, devalued.
In the same way, the fear of giving birth to a defective baby is also deprived of status. Let's take a detached look at him. Are there diseases and bad habits? You need to visit a doctor and get tested, assess the risks, and they are very, very small. No disease, just scary? Check out the statistics. According to it, the probability of having a child with chromosomal abnormalities is very small, some ailments occur only in 1 case in 5 or 10 thousand births. Is there a sick child or was there one in the family? Visit a geneticist, on the basis of modern laboratory techniques, he will help to quite accurately calculate the risks of a recurrence of a chromosomal abnormality in your case.
Fears will become less and will gradually disappear altogether if a woman masters relaxation techniques, positively attunes herself to pregnancy and childbirth.
The main thing here is trust. She must trust the doctor who monitors the pregnancy, take his word for it.
If the doctor says that you need to do this or that analysis, you need to follow the recommendations. If the doctor is sure that the expectant mother is doing well, then it is so. If the doctor does not inspire confidence, it is better to find another specialist and register with him at the dispensary.
There are several effective methods of psychocorrection of such fear. The methods of hypnotherapy, NLP programming should be used only by professional psychotherapists. For independent work with your own fear, you can use simpler, but no less effective techniques, which must be followed consistently. Approximately as follows.
Identifying a problem, recognizing its existence
Here you need not only to admit to yourself of the fear, but also to talk about it with someone, to tell, maximally expressing your feelings, feelings, fears to a loved one, a friend, a psychologist in an antenatal clinic, a gynecologist - anyone, if only you listened carefully.
At the moment of the very verbal articulation of phobic experiences, they lose the lion's share of their strength.
For the one who will act as a listener, it is important to be attentive, focused, ask and clarify from the speaker some of the nuances of her personal experiences. This will help to "bring out of the twilight" the most reserved and deepest anxieties and experiences. The method is called the fear verbalization method.
If one conversation is not enough, and the woman does not feel relief, you need to repeat such dialogues until the fear completely depreciates, does not seem to the expectant mother to be someone else's, not hers.
Information and elimination of illiteracy
This is an important stage that should be started almost simultaneously with the first or several days after the woman “speaks”. It is better not to refer to medical articles describing certain anomalies and malformations of the fetus, especially if the articles are accompanied by pictures demonstrating pathologies. It would be better to prepare, print and hang in a prominent place official statistics of the Ministry of Health by the number of congenital anomalies per total delivery volume over the past few years. Seeing that Down syndrome in children occurs in 1 case in 3000 births, and Turner syndrome in 1 case in 5-6 thousand births, a woman will gradually begin to accept the truth as it is.
Also worth start to change the attitude of women towards child disability in general. Positive examples are important - cases of healing, achievements of modern medicine, which really allows in many cases to save children and give them a chance for a completely full and normal life. Examples of achievements of children with disabilities in personal heights are important - information about the success of Paralympic champions, gifted children with disabilities. This is the correct perception, which will allow you to gradually stop being afraid of a possible illness in a child, especially since it is, as mentioned above, very unlikely.
Active action
They imply that the woman is already ready to accept reality as it really is. At this stage it will be useful help disabled children, become a volunteer, donate all feasible means to help sick kids. At the same time, a woman will learn to distance herself from someone else's disease, to understand that an ailment - someone, not her, not her child. In addition, the feeling and understanding that you helped someone helps to increase self-esteem, which in itself is very important for a person with fears and phobias.
During the study of all three stages, a woman it is important not to close in yourself, to actively communicate, watching movies, reading books, walking, visiting, going to parties, actively preparing for the birth of a baby - buying toys, cute baby things. You can start repairs and make the nursery of your dreams. Anything that can distract her from experiences and fears (which will return from time to time, and this is inevitable), is quite suitable to enhance the effect of psychocorrectional techniques.
Practicing yoga, listening to music, drawing (even if God has deprived of artistic talent), playing music, singing are useful. It is imperative to find time for this - at least 20-30 minutes a day.
In what cases cannot you cope on your own?
If the described methods did not help and the fear did not decrease, you should think about professional help and make an appointment with a psychologist, psychotherapist.
This is especially important if attacks of fear occur frequently, can wake up in the middle of the night, if negative thoughts interfere with falling asleep, if attacks of fear are accompanied at the physiological level by quite palpable symptoms: nausea, vomiting, headache attacks, increased sweating, increased heart rate.
Problems that are deeply rooted in the subconscious are not so easy to correct on their own, they may require treatment and therapy, including the use of sedatives. Deep problems always (in 100% of cases) sooner or later manifest themselves at the physiological level in the form of certain painful symptoms. And a psychosomat specialist will help a woman in their correction.
Useful Tips
A few simple tips will help you more effectively cope with the fear of giving birth to a sick baby.
Create a positive atmosphere around you - eliminate all references to terrible vices and anomalies, do not look or read scary stories with a sad end on the Internet, do not look for answers to your questions on women's forums. Stop others from telling negative stories or just step aside when they start to do so. Don't be afraid to sound impolite.
Practice auto-training. Take about 10 minutes of self-hypnosis every day. This can be done on the way in transport, during an evening bath or in the morning, immediately after waking up. The installation is simple: "Everything will be fine, everything is fine with my child." Even if you don't really believe it at first, gradually the attitude will become a habitual thought that will be taken for granted - as the only possible truth.
Pass all medical examinations and tests on time. Remember that the modern level of medicine has a lot of opportunities, which were not there 10-15 years ago, for diagnosing fetal pathologies at the earliest possible date. Even if the child has deviations, the likelihood that you will find out about this before his birth and will have the right to choose whether to give birth or not is very high. Intrauterine anomalies undetected before childbirth are rather rare in our time.
Get the support of family and friends. Accept your unborn child as he is, ask your family to do the same. Do not torment yourself and the baby with negative and scary emotions that destroy the health of both the expectant mother and her crumbs.
And the last thing - do not be ashamed of your fear, it is normal. It is not normal to nurture it, heat it up, ignite it, let it dictate the rules of the game to you. You are stronger, fear is yours, which means that you can also cope with it. And everyone around is ready to help you with this. More often imagine your future baby to be beautiful, smiling, happy and loved. And all will be well.
Psychologist and art therapist Natalia Murashova believes that sick children are born to those women who are very afraid of being alone and subconsciously want to provide themselves with lifelong need - to bear the "cross" of the child. Realizing this often helps to overcome your fear. See the next video for more on this.
