A child cries in kindergarten: advice from a psychologist

The first trip to kindergarten is a must, which you cannot do without. Firstly, parents can hardly afford to raise a baby at home, since they need to go to work, and secondly, only in kindergarten will he receive a sufficient amount of communication with peers and a lot of different knowledge that will develop him and prepare him for school. Nevertheless, for a child who has been practically inseparable from his mother and home all his life before, this is a real test.

It is not surprising that many children cry in a similar situation, but it is almost impossible not to send them to kindergarten, so we will consider how to solve this problem.

Types of children

It is too expensive not to send a child to kindergarten, but you can at least more accurately determine the date of the first trip - is it time to do it now or is it better to wait a little longer. Parents are unlikely to be able to independently assess the level of the child's readiness, so you can contact a psychologist. The latter distinguish three types of children:

Well adaptable... If your baby is exactly like that, it means that both you and him are lucky. Usually, such children are open and friendly, so they quickly make new acquaintances, immediately having others around them. They are not afraid of new situations if they do not carry a clear threat, so they feel as confident in the kindergarten as in any other place.

Due to the stability of their psyche, they very calmly perceive parting with their parents, therefore, even in a nursery, at a very early age, they will feel comfortable. Unfortunately, there are relatively few such children.

Medium adaptable... These are the absolute majority of children. In kindergarten for the first time they will be scared and uncomfortable, but this is only the first time. Such a child usually cries in kindergarten only on the first day, and even then - not all, but only in the first couple of hours. Further adaptation takes place - the baby sees that nothing threatens him, and they treat him well, slowly begins to communicate with others and gradually becomes his own here.
Poorly adaptable. The percentage of children of this type is also relatively low, but they can make life very difficult for their parents. They are very attached to mom and dad, and completely lose confidence in their absence and in an unfamiliar situation. The worst thing is that such a baby does not get used to it, he cries equally hard when he goes to kindergarten for the first time, and when he is listed there for the second month. For some reason, it is difficult for him to find friends, which only exacerbates the problem.

Psychologists believe that the best age for sending children of this type to kindergarten is 4 years old, so if there is an opportunity not to rush into admission, it is better to wait.

Objective reasons

All the described classification is appropriate if children of all the named types are in exactly the same conditions, but in practice this does not happen. You’ve probably noticed that you seem to be drawn to one job, and you go to another like hard labor. However, the desire or unwillingness to go to a specific job or to a specific kindergarten can be due to both permanent and non-permanent reasons, and sometimes the problem of children's tears can be solved by finding out and eliminating such reasons. Here's what to look out for:

Poor adaptation - a universal answer to the question of why children do not want to go to kindergarten, but psychologists use this term only if the child in an unfamiliar environment is repelled and scared by literally everything. But this concept can be broken down into a number of smaller and more specific reasons: some do not like to get up early and go somewhere in any bad weather, others feel insecure in a team (another question - in any, or just this), others just do not want to obey strangers.

These are the same reasons why you do not always go to work with pleasure, but you yourself have chosen it and you can change it yourself, and the baby can only complain and cry.

Sometimes the reason for crying is not very good health. The child could only catch a cold, but this is already a runny nose and headache. In a similar situation, adults are not too cheerful, and it is even more difficult for children to endure discomfort. At the same time, in any kindergarten there are ideal conditions for the transmission of any infections - there are many children, each of whom has not yet strengthened the immune system.

Sometimes it is trite for children in kindergarten there are not enough parents. It is clear that for the first time everyone lacks them, but some are so accustomed to the fact that they are constantly patronized that now they simply get lost, and do not understand what to do and how to behave. We are talking about the lack of independence - perhaps, over time, the baby will acquire it, but for now it will have to be patient.
Children are very strong need communication - much more so than adults. As the classic said, nowhere do you feel so lonely as in a crowd and children, this can also fully concern. Nobody seems to offend you, but there is no special attention to you - how can you not be discouraged?

The reason for the acute reluctance to attend kindergarten may be behavior of other children... It's no secret that children are quite cruel creatures, simply because they do not yet realize how much they can offend another person. They can tease and call names, but at this age, the object of ridicule still does not know how to be critical of such situations and remain indifferent. Some begin to call names in response or even rush into a fight, while someone is offended, feels rejection of themselves by the team and cries.
The funny thing is that in some cases crying in kindergarten is provoked by the mother herselfbringing the kid. She is very worried, leaving her beloved child for the whole day in the company of other people's children, under the supervision of a good, but also someone else's aunt, so she can demonstrate her excitement or, even worse, even cry. Children are very sensitive to such things and easily project the emotions of their parents onto themselves. To put it simply, this behavior of the mother frankly scares them.

What should parents not do in a similar situation?

Most parents sincerely want their child not to cry at the mere mention of kindergarten, but their methods of achieving this goal are sometimes frankly surprising. Don't do some of the things that can make the problem worse - it might even be enough:

Some psychologists it is not advised to take kids to kindergarten at the age of 3-5 years (exactly when this usually happens in our country), because at this stage there is a complex reassessment by children of the world around them and themselves in it. They believe that it is better to hand over the child earlier than 3 years - this way he adapts faster.
If the child has already gone to kindergarten and is constantly crying there, do not try to scold him for it... Firstly, aggression will scare him even more and will become an additional reason for crying, and secondly, understand that he is just small and needs protection.

Don't make your child promise that they won't cry anymore. and it is all the more pointless then to appeal to what he promised. Even adults do not always keep their deliberately given promises, and for a kid this ritual is generally a complete abstraction, he does not yet understand its essence, or may simply forget. In the end, he is not crying because he wants to get you, but because he cannot solve some of his problems, so it would be better if you helped him with this.
In no case you can't make fun of childhood fears, and also no need to complain about this problem to anyone in the presence of the culprit. At the kindergarten age, he is already able to compare himself with other children and it is very important for him to feel that his parents love him anyway, but here the elders, it turns out, are unhappy with him.
The height of parental stupidity - to scare the baby with the fact that for constant crying he will be left in kindergarten forever. By this you create a clear association "kindergarten is a punishment", and who would agree to endure punishment for nothing every day, albeit with breaks at night?

For the same reason, you should not criticize the educators with a child, even justifiably - it is difficult to explain to the child why you deliberately give it to your aunt, whom you yourself called bad.

Don't even think about leaving your child at home simply because he cries and refuses to go to kindergarten. If he doesn't want to go there today, then why should he want to tomorrow? His opinion could change if he went there and saw that it was not so bad there, but if the reasons for reluctance are very specific, let him say about them directly. Indulging in tears will simply spoil the child and lose control over him.
Children are afraid that their parents, leaving them in the garden, will not come for them - dissuade the child in the possibility of such a development of events, but don't use the word "soon". Younger kindergarten children have a very relative idea of time, especially since before you did not leave them alone for a long time, so "soon" is a matter of minutes. Time passes, but mom still does not come - it turns out, she did not keep her promise. This means that it may not come at all, and this is already a good reason to cry.

How can you help your baby to adapt?

While many ridiculous attempts at solving a problem should be avoided, there are effective ways to help a child of any type of adaptation gain additional confidence and independence. This will not solve the problem instantly, and the baby can cry for another two to three months, but with the right approach, you will achieve your goal in a maximum of six months, even in the most severe cases (except for the presence of serious external reasons for crying). So, the advice of a psychologist:

The kid is very frightened by the fact that you used to leave him for a maximum of half an hour, and now you left him for the whole day. Get him used to kindergarten gradually - let him first go there for a couple of hours, then for three, and so on, to avoid undue stress.
Walk through several kindergartens, ideally with your toddler. So you will select the best institution, and he will have the opportunity to form an opinion in advance about the future as something normal, not a problem.

Let the changes come to the child's life gradually. If he is used to sleeping for a long time and sitting at home most of the time, do rehearsals - first just wake him up at the estimated time, then add fees, and then take him on walks that will one day lead straight to kindergarten.
If you send your baby to kindergarten quite late, try to explain to him in words what is the use of new acquaintances and social circle. Do not forget that this is usually not given at the first moment, so first you need to be patient a little.
So that the child does not think that he has been abandoned, give him a clear link to the schedule so that he knows that his parents have not really forgotten about him, it is simply too early.

Do not indicate the time or use abstractions, but name a specific moment - after lunch, after a walk, after sleep.

Let the baby learn to communicate with other children in advance - at least in the same sandbox. You can try to simulate the situation at home, in a role-playing game based on kindergarten.
Let the little one take with him something familiar, dear to his heart. Of course, your favorite toy will do the best.
Try not to create reasons for children's excitement yourself. The child should not be screwed up in the morning, so do not be nervous and do not fuss, even if you suspect that you will be late for work.
Communicate with the staff of the institution in a demonstratively friendly manner - let the baby see that he is being left not to someone, but to really good aunts. Again, if the little one remains in good hands and is then taken away, then why does mom cry and does not want to say goodbye to the little one? Show confidence that nothing bad can happen.
In the evenings, take an interest in the child's state of affairs. Having spoken his day on his own, he himself will understand. that nothing bad happened, and if this is repeated from day to day, then there is nothing to be afraid of.