Does the child sleep only in his arms? To understand the reasons for this habit, let's start from afar. The birth of the long-awaited baby is a real miracle. It is not surprising that the newly-made mother is constantly next to the baby: she feeds him, lulls him, takes him in her arms. The result of natural maternal affection is the baby's addiction to the female body as a source of nutrition, tenderness and a sense of security. However, such attachment also has “pitfalls” that significantly complicate the life of a young mother.
The child refuses to sleep in his own crib, in every possible way protesting against being put in the cradle. He cries, is capricious, screams, causing irritation and a feeling of helplessness in his parents.
Why does the baby fall into a sweet dream only in her mother's arms? Doesn't this indicate certain violations? What if a baby falls asleep only in his arms? There are a lot of questions, which is why a separate material should be devoted to the problem of a “tame” baby.
Signs of troubled sleep
The high need for feeding and sleep in a newborn baby is well known. In the "sleeping" state, the baby can spend up to 20 hours a day. However, the crumbs fall asleep in different ways.
Some children plunge into the "embrace of Morpheus" as soon as they drink their mother's milk, while others have to be lulled by swinging on their arms until they deign to close their eyes.
Thus, the process of laying a newborn or an older baby begins to turn not into a pleasant ritual, but a daily hard labor. Moreover, problems happen both day and night.
The main symptoms of sleep problems look like in the following way:
- a newborn child categorically does not want to fall asleep on its own, so the mother has to invent some tricks - for example, rocking him for a long time;
- the baby can fall asleep on the arms almost instantly, but it always wakes up as soon as the mother tries to put him in his own bed;
- the newborn seems to fall asleep, but only when he feels the close presence of the mother, as soon as she moves away, he instantly wakes up.
In particularly severe cases, mothers are forced to doze in a sitting position, holding their baby in their arms. There is no question of proper rest, since women are afraid to drop the child and injure him.
To understand how to wean a child from falling asleep in his arms, it is necessary to understand the underlying reasons for this behavior. Usually, the reasons for not wanting to go to bed are common to many children.
Why does the child sleep in his arms?
The fundamental, one might even say, the fundamental reason for this behavior is the desire of the child to be near his mother. Having been born, the baby finds himself in a world alien to him, replete with unfamiliar aromas, sounds and objects.
Both a newborn and even an infant at 2 or 3 months old feel a certain discomfort and fear, being outside the mother's womb. Calmness comes only if the mother presses him to her, and he has the opportunity to hear her heart beating.
According to psychologists, the constant feeling of the mother's presence allows the child to grow up more self-sufficient and self-confident. From early childhood, he develops a basic trust in the world, a sense of security and high self-esteem.
The psychology of children at 2 or 3 months is such that when they close their eyes, they cease to perceive the world around them. And together with reality, not only objects disappear, but also the mother - the most dear person for the baby on earth.
The result of these psychological characteristics of babies is the following worrisome for some mothers patterns:
- the child closes his eyes → the surrounding world disappears → the baby begins to feel fear → smells and hugs the mother → the fear passes;
- the baby is lying in the crib → the mother is standing next to him → he subconsciously struggles with sleep so as not to lose the mother → the eyes close, the mother disappears → the child cries, attracting attention to himself.
In addition, a banal malaise - colic, increased gas formation, teething, a cold can become the desire to fall asleep exclusively on mom's arms. All this leads to an increase in children's anxiety and the desire to stay close to the mother.
Wrong and correct actions of parents
You can often find advice that, they say, enough to follow the lead of nursing children. You just need to put the child in the crib, and then boldly leave the room and not listen to loud screams and roars, because this is just a child's whim.
This opinion is not entirely correct. A baby at 2 or 3 months is an extremely dependent creature on the mother, and not only physiologically, but also psychologically. A two-month-old child is not yet able to understand that the mother who has gone to the next room will return in 5-10 minutes.
Instincts make him "think" that he was left alone. Even a 3-year-old child, letting his mother out of her eyes in a store or on the beach, will start crying, since this event is extremely traumatic for him. What can we say about a three-month-old baby.
However, there is another extreme - at the first baby squeak, the parents rush to the crib, pull the baby out and start to rock convulsively, trying to achieve complete peace of mind.
Such parental reactions are also not always adequate to the situation, since baby crying is completely natural and, moreover, the only way to communicate with the outside world. Perhaps the baby just gave a voice, indicating that he was uncomfortable, but very soon he would calm down.
It is necessary to subtly feel your child, his cry, since the motive for crying is different. Someone really cries only in "emergency" situations and needs. Others from their "young nails" become manipulators, forcing their mother to come up at the first squeak.
What should a mother do if the child sleeps only in her arms? Focus on it features:
- if he screams loudly and for a long time, you need to take him on the arms, talk gently, gently swing. Such actions will surely calm down even the most restless baby;
- if he falls asleep on the arms, but tolerates transferring to the bed well, you need to sing lullabies to him more often so that he feels motherly closeness.
Other useful recommendations answering the question of how to wean a child from sleeping in their arms, read below.
How to wean a child from falling asleep in his arms?
What is the mother to do then? Will she really have to give up other household chores and responsibilities in order to constantly lull the baby and not let him get out of her arms? Agree, this is extremely difficult, especially since the baby is gradually gaining body weight.
In order for the baby to fall asleep calmly in the crib, it is necessary to satisfy his need for contact with his mother during the day (and at night) by any means. Experienced mothers and specialists lead a few recommendations:
- For a constant feeling of the mother's body, you can wear the baby in a sling. Such a device will also help relieve the load on the back and free your hands for doing household chores.
- Another effective method is sleeping together. In the first weeks of a child's life, experts advise placing the crib next to the parent's bed so that the baby feels maternal closeness and feels comfort and safety.
- It is better to swaddle a newborn before falling asleep. The position with arms and legs pressed to the body is similar to an intrauterine state, and this creates a feeling of safety in the baby. In this case, the child falls asleep much faster and wakes up less often.
- If the baby does not sleep at night, exhausting the mother with constant whims and crying, you can change the routine. For a while, the baby should not be laid down during the day, in which case he will rather fall asleep in the evening. It is only important not to overdo it with daytime activity.
You should also worry about purchasing a comfortable crib with bed linens that are pleasant to the touch. And so that the child can quickly get used to his personal furniture, you can put the mother's thing in it. The baby will feel the familiar scent and fall asleep faster.
To get used to falling asleep on its own, it is necessary to create a habit of darkness in the baby. For example, during the day, the windows in the room are tightly curtained. As a result, the child develops a reflex - it is dark, which means you need to fall asleep.
But motion sickness should be treated with extreme caution. The infant can get used to such movements and will stop sleeping altogether without first rocking.
Psychologists' recommendations
If a child at both 3 and 6 months continues to scream when laying in a crib and ask back to her mother's hands, and none of the above methods work, you should seek psychological help.
Don't know how to put your child to bed quickly and without unnecessary tears? Recommendations of psychologists and author's methods will help solve this problem.
Among the most popular expert advice are some useful tips:
- You should not abruptly refuse the baby in tenderness, rejecting his request to take on the arms. As already mentioned, tactile contact has a positive effect on the development of children.
- It is necessary to improve children's curiosity and thinking by tilting the baby over various objects and bringing it, for example, to the shelves. In this case, the child will no longer be interested exclusively in maternal hands.
- It is important to demonstrate love and tenderness not just with hugs, but also with gentle massage, kisses, touches and other stroking movements.
- From day to day it is necessary to learn to distinguish manipulative crying from tears, which are caused by completely objective reasons (hunger, wet diapers, fright, etc.).
- If a sleeping baby suddenly cries and screams, do not immediately take him on the arms. Most likely, he will calm down on his own after two or three minutes.
- Try to establish a clear daily routine that will form a good “tradition” to fall asleep at a specific time. To do this, it is useful to bathe the baby and massage him before falling asleep.
- Long walks in the fresh air are of particular benefit. Despite the fact that it is too early to talk about high activity, new impressions will help the baby fall asleep faster and without motion sickness.
Trying to saturate your child's day with information and physical activity as much as possible, it is important not to overdo it. Otherwise, the baby may become overexcited and not close his eyes at all. That is why it is necessary to give up noisy games a couple of hours before bedtime.
How to put a baby in a crib?
It often happens that children seem to have already fallen asleep on their mother's arms, but when they try to put them in bed, they wake up abruptly. At the same time, some crumbs do not cry, but simply carefully examine their tired mother and the environment.
It will be helpful for parents to know how to train their child to sleep in their crib. The psychologist will tell you what training methods exist and how to avoid common mistakes.
Experienced parents recommend doing the following actions:
- before lulling a child in your arms, you need to slip a diaper under his cheek so that he can grab part of his face, and shoulder, and one side of the abdomen;
- when the baby closes his eyes, you need to sit with him for about 5 to 10 minutes. He is probably not asleep yet, but only asleep, so it is worth waiting for his sleep to be more sound;
- After making sure of the "serious intentions" of the baby, you need to put him in the cradle together with the diaper so that his cheek head continues to be on the fabric, as when lulling him to sleep.
Don't forget to swaddle your kids at night. When the mother holds the baby on her arms, he is in a cramped and confined space, and when he puts it to bed, the child feels excessive freedom. The upper and lower limbs begin to move, as a result of which the baby wakes up even against his will.
As a conclusion
Of course, keeping the butuza on the handles on a regular basis is very tiring, since the baby becomes even more plump every day. That is why it is necessary to ensure a close connection between the mother and the child in other, less burdensome ways.
Experts recommend pressing the baby to you more often. For example, at night you can put it in a crib located next to the parent's bed, wear it in a sling. In this case, after laying, the crumbs sleep more calmly and wake up less often.
Such measures allow parents to use pens less often in order to "force" the child to fall asleep. The baby, sated with interaction with the mother during the day, quickly closes his eyes, not being afraid to be left without her warmth and smell.
Well, it is also important to understand that falling asleep on handles is not forever. Very soon, the child will outgrow this habit, and already the mother will begin to recall with nostalgia that her baby once pressed tightly to her, and did not run away, trying to become more independent and independent.
