The desire to have children is inherent in us by nature, so we are programmed that we certainly need to reproduce. There are very few people who in their life never want to have a child due to a number of psychological or physical problems.
Partners who are bound by feelings, if they are comfortable together, sooner or later think about children. But it happens that even with a mutual desire to have children, the couple tries to postpone their appearance. Why this happens, we will find out below.
1. Changes in life
With the advent of a child, the life of each family member changes dramatically. The changes concern not only the daily routine, nutrition, free time, but also the moral side of life. The couple will need a lot of patience, dedication and strength. The usual way of life is crumbling, less and less time is left for entertainment and rest, for these reasons many couples prefer to postpone the time of happy parenting.
Not every person likes drastic changes. This does not mean that a man and a woman do not want children, do not understand all the joy and happiness of being a mom and dad. They just haven't decided yet whether they are ready to expand the family.
2. Financial base
Many partners are frightened by the lack of stability in material terms, they may be afraid of being financially insolvent, unable to fully provide the child with everything necessary. Men are by nature earners; many consider the task of providing for the family to be the main one. Each family has its own needs and understanding of solvency. Some parents are not afraid of the appearance of a fifth baby with small earnings, while others do not have a child, fearing not to provide him with the latest models of strollers, toys and expensive gadgets for mom.
Assess your financial solvency adequately, do not think that without a new-fangled walker or imported stroller, your baby will be less happy.
3. Career
The appearance of a child in a family can significantly affect a career, in most cases, a woman's career. There are two opposite poles of opinion on this matter. Some women, without hesitation, give preference to the happiness of motherhood, others - at times with the appearance of children, preferring to spend some time climbing the career ladder. There are those who do not adjoin either of the poles, being in their preferences in the golden mean: they really want to have a child and are ready for this, but they also do not give up hope of achieving success in work and realizing themselves not only as a mother. Such women manage to study on maternity leave, earn extra money, earn money on the Internet, and improve their skills.
As you postpone having babies because of work, remember that babies grow up quickly and you can devote yourself and your career again.
4. Relationship with a partner
A child always takes a long time, so many couples fear that their relationship may deteriorate, because they will no longer be able to devote as much time to each other as before. Both women and men are worried that their intimate life will suffer, that the partner will be jealous of the baby.
A child even the most long-awaited, beloved and dear one is a new person in the family, the whole family adapts to his appearance. The new roles of dad and mom can be difficult. Fatigue, lack of sleep, and lifestyle changes can lead to fights. This is what couples fear, transferring the birth of a baby to the future. Women are more often afraid that changes in their figure can affect their relationship with a man, and those, in turn, are afraid of the possibility of being superfluous and deprived of attention.
Unwillingness to give birth to a baby for some time may be due to insecurity in a partner. A woman, for example, has no idea how her husband, who is still a child himself, can cope with the role of a father. And the man doubts that the wife is ready mentally, and she will be able to cope with all the responsibilities of the mother at the proper level. Unmarried couples may also question the strength of their relationship.
5. Responsibility
Responsibility for the well-being, health and life of another person is not an easy feeling. Some people are afraid to make such commitments.
Women and men are most often afraid of their inability and ignorance in the field of child care and upbringing. A woman may be afraid to give birth to an unhealthy baby, not to cope with household chores, to do something wrong that will affect the child. A man, thinking about children, begins to worry whether he will be able to provide for his family, whether he will lose his job, whether he is able to correctly fulfill the role of a father.
Here are some tips for overcoming baby anxiety:
- Look at things realistically, do not come up with difficulties that you have not yet encountered. You should not compare yourself with other families, you are individual, you have your own life, which you yourself build. If some of your friends have problems with relationships and raising children, this does not mean that you will have such difficulties;
- Discuss together how your habits can change, what you will do to help each other overcome problems, how you will free up time to communicate with each other, who can help you with your baby. Talk about relationships, negotiate mutual support;
- Think about work, consider what you can lose in your career, and whether it is worth delaying the birth of a child. Consider how you can realize yourself on maternity leave, whether it will be possible to allocate time for training;
- Don't think that fear of responsibility betrays you as a bad parent. On the contrary, if you fear bankruptcy while striving to be better parents, then you are caring, serious, and aware of the importance of your role as a mom and dad. Seek help from an older generation, attend courses and develop fears of the complexity of caring for and raising a child.
Make a joint informed decision, do not listen to the advice of others. The appearance of a baby in the family is a test of the strength of the family, let you pass this test perfectly.
We read the article on the topic: Why Some People Don't Want Children
Why some people do not want to have children - answers Olga Isupova, PhD in Sociology, Senior Research Fellow, Institute of Demography, National Research University Higher School of Economics, Moscow:
