The presence of a husband next to his wife during childbirth is usually called partner (or joint) childbirth. Not so long ago, this was out of the question. In extreme cases, the husband could be somewhere in the hospital corridor or lobby and anxiously await the doctor's appearance with the long-awaited message about the safe birth of a son or daughter. However, not so long ago (at first - in Western Europe and America, and more recently - in Russia), the husband got the right to be with his wife at the most responsible and exciting moment - when the wife gives birth to a child. This is what is called partner birth.
About partner childbirth
Actually, this definition is interpreted quite broadly. In other words, it is not only the husband who can be next to his wife when a new life is born. Other people close to a woman in childbirth have the same right: a friend, sister, mother or mother-in-law. However, most often it is about the presence of the husband - the father of the unborn child. Male presence during labor can be helpful in the following cases:
Seeing that her husband is nearby, the woman will feel additional support, security and confidence that everything will be fine. This will help her to more easily deal with stress and pain during labor and after the baby has already been born.
Dad will be able to see his child at the very first moment of his birth. This makes such a strong impression on many fathers that later they treat the baby with much more care and tenderness.
The question of whether or not to participate for the husband in the partner childbirth, the spouses should discuss in advance. Both of them need to understand that such participation is not some kind of unconventional adventure for the husband, but an opportunity to provide the wife with real help and support.
If the husband agrees to participate, he needs to collect some medical certificates in advance, without which he will not be allowed into the delivery room. A man needs to be tested for hepatitis, HIV and syphilis, undergo fluorographic examination and take a conclusion from a therapist. Please note that the certificates in question are valid for a maximum of 3 months.
Pros of joint childbirth with her husband
Many psychologists, doctors, as well as those mothers and fathers who have had experience of partner childbirth, assure that this has many advantages:
- Helping his wife prepare for childbirth and being present at the birth of the child, the husband, from the very first moment of the birth of the baby, feels like his father. This is especially important when the firstborn is due;
- The presence of a husband during the birth of a child is a joint experience that can bring spouses even closer together - both in terms of their entire future life together and when caring for a child;
- It has been proven that when a beloved man is nearby, a woman can bear pain much easier. In addition, in this case, she is much less likely to experience postpartum stress and depression;
- The presence of the father at the moment when the child has just been born helps the baby himself. The baby does not sleep for the first 30-40 minutes after birth. He gets to know and remembers those objects that he sees next to him (this feature of the newborn is called imprinting). Having memorized such objects, in the future the baby establishes a long-term psychological and physical connection with them. For obvious reasons, the mother is usually the first and main object of imprinting. But if at this time dad is next to mom, then the child, thus, establishes a connection with him. Imprinting is also great in that it helps maintain this connection throughout life. It is for this reason that every child subconsciously gravitates more to the mother than to the father. But that's because Mom was the very first object he captured. If the baby in the first minutes of his life captured two objects (mom and dad), then in the future he will treat both parents equally.
Being next to his wife and newborn baby, a man can take on the hassle of preparing the necessary documents.
What important task does dad perform immediately after the birth of the child?
Savitsky Alexey Gennadievich - obstetrician-gynecologist, doctor of medical sciences:
Cons of joint childbirth
Some of them are completely surmountable and removable, while others can cause very serious consequences, primarily in the psychological sense. Therefore, it is necessary to state: before deciding on joint childbirth, you should think over and weigh everything, taking into account the psychological characteristics of both spouses:
- Some women are sure that if a beloved man wants to be present when she gives birth, then, therefore, he will not leave her until the very end - that is, until the moment the child is born. According to the testimony of many doctors and obstetricians, this is a very common female mistake. Not every man is able to fearlessly endure such a sight. Statistics show that about one in five men who were present at childbirth receives such a deep psychological trauma that its consequences can affect for many years, and sometimes for a lifetime. In this case, the spouse usually realizes that, in fact, he cannot help his wife with anything, and begins to consider his stay nearby in the delivery room as a mistake;
- There are frequent cases when especially impressionable husbands lose consciousness during the birth of their wives. This causes justified discontent of doctors, who, instead of helping a woman in labor, have to revive her husband;
- If a man knows that he is impressionable, then it would be better if he refuses to participate in joint childbirth. The wife should not insist on this;
- If an overly impressionable future dad still wants to be with his wife, then let it be a light version of his presence. For example, he must leave the room at the time of the birth itself, and return when the child has already been born;
- Some expectant mothers, inviting their husbands to take part in childbirth, at the most inopportune moment begin to think that they are disheveled and not wearing makeup, and therefore ugly, which will make the husband stop loving them. In connection with worries about this, the process of childbirth for a woman can be delayed and cause her additional suffering. In such cases, it is better for the husband to show understanding and leave the delivery room;
- There are many cases when a family breaks up precisely because of partner childbirth. Here, again, the whole point is in psychology - in this case, mainly in the male. Having seen with his own eyes what the birth of a child really is, a man is so imbued with what he saw and experienced that in the future he cannot forget it, as a result of which his attitude towards his wife becomes much worse. In the special literature, cases are described when husbands who participated in joint childbirth become cold towards their wife both psychologically and physically, which is the reason for divorce. As for women, by their nature, they forget all the features and nuances of childbirth much faster. Therefore, they usually do not have any complexes with the fathers of their children in connection with the birth of a child. Accordingly, the birth of a baby is usually not a reason for a divorce for a woman.
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There are such husbands who have everything in order with the nervous system and impressionability. One of the latest fashion trends is the presence of a persistent dad during childbirth with a video camera, on which he is trying to film the entire process of the birth of an heir from beginning to end. If a man got into the delivery room legally, then no one has the right to prohibit him from filming. Although - such shooting usually annoys both doctors and the woman in labor herself. Doctors - because dad prevents them from doing their job, wife - because often video filming makes her dislike her husband: instead of supporting her with a kind word, her beloved man runs around with a camera.
Another nuance associated with partner childbirth is as follows. If the husband and wife decide to give birth together, then for obvious reasons this should take place in a separate room, in the absence of other women in labor. However, not every medical institution can provide such rooms, and if it can, then for a fee. Therefore, you should know that there is no free joint birth.
When and when joint childbirth is needed
The husband, as well as the wife, may have different reasons for deciding on a joint birth. As for the husband, it may be love for his wife and unwillingness to leave her at a difficult moment, the stories of other fathers who have already participated in partner childbirth, etc. Women hope that in the presence of their beloved man they will more easily endure prenatal and childbirth torments. In general, there can be many reasons, and each couple may have their own.
When do you need to refrain from participating in joint childbirth:
- If a man is too nervous and impressionable;
- If the husband wants to be present at childbirth solely for the sake of his own curiosity, or - at all, he cannot clearly explain his desire. A curious viewer (even if it is the husband of a woman in labor) will annoy the doctors and disturb them and irritate the woman herself, which can complicate childbirth. Therefore, the wife should try to convince her husband that it is better for him to be at this time not near but, for example, in the hospital hall;
- It is not necessary to drag your husband to the hospital by force if it is noticeable that he himself does not want this and is even afraid;
- If the husband sees that his wife wants to invite him to childbirth in order to show how she will suffer, and not for real help, then the husband will do the right thing if he refuses to participate.
You can participate in joint childbirth in the following cases:
- The husband himself proposes this and assures that he will endure;
- The wife is not against her husband's involvement;
- The husband supported his wife during the entire pregnancy, they went to medical examinations together, he knows how and with what features the pregnancy proceeded;
- The beloved man is mentally ready to participate in partner childbirth and knows what to do if an unforeseen or dangerous situation occurs.
If all these moments and nuances are present in the life of a married couple, then the husband's participation will be justified and will bring mutual benefit.
Dad in childbirth: what a man needs to know
Oleg talks about his wife's presence at the birth. How it was? Worth it or not, fears and concerns. There have been discussions on this topic for a long time. Both supporters and opponents of joint childbirth have weighty arguments:
Conditions for childbirth with a husband
To participate in joint childbirth, a number of conditions must be met. First of all, you should know that a husband or other relative has an inalienable right to be with his wife when she gives birth. This is stated in paragraph 2 of Article 51 of the Federal Law of the Russian Federation of November 21, 2011 No. 323-FZ "On the basics of protecting the health of citizens in the Russian Federation." This is in theory. In terms of practice, a special permit issued by a medical institution is required to attend. The following points should be reflected in the permit:
- The wife's consent for the husband to be present at the birth.
- The consent of the medical staff on the same occasion.
- The husband has all the necessary medical certificates.
- The woman has no contraindications that can prevent joint childbirth.
- The delivery room has all the necessary conditions for a joint delivery.
Julia:Here it is necessary not only to look at the desire of the husband, but also at his own. If you are ready to show yourself in this form, if his presence does not prevent you from relaxing, then some doubts will disappear. Well, before giving birth, it would be nice to prepare my husband, watch a film about childbirth, so that he is ready, otherwise he will panic.
At the same time, one should know that the mentioned law, even in the presence of all the listed conditions, allows doctors to refuse a husband or some other relative to be near the woman in labor. For example, if a woman needs an operative delivery (caesarean section), doctors have every right to not allow anyone into the operating room. Or - doctors may believe that the presence of someone outsider (even if he is even the husband of a woman in labor) will interfere with their work, and, accordingly, the end result of this work - the normal birth of a baby. Other doctors simply do not like it when someone outsider "breathes in the back of the head." To allow or not to allow a husband to be with his wife when she is giving birth is the legal right of doctors.
- My birth was great thanks to my husband
- “I saw my baby being born. I saw a miracle. " 3 stories of fathers about joint childbirth
- Demyan Popov: partner childbirth in detail, pros and cons
Reviews of men from forums
Denis Zubov:Came from a partner birth an hour ago. My son was born. Firstborn. Congratulations are accepted. I would like to tell you. First of all. A partner childbirth is not a man's contemplation of how his son is born, but it is help to a mother (wife), both physical and psychological. What men are afraid of - to see a woman in an unsightly form and from the wrong angle - all this is nonsense. Today I spent exactly 12 hours in the family. Of these, the childbirth lasted 10 minutes (the actual labor period). Moreover, thoughts are not about that at all, but about the lyalik, about the future life, about the high. Those who are not afraid of blood in principle, and other biological fluids of their own wife in particular. I STRONGLY RECOMMEND, THE WIFE WILL BE GRATEFUL !!!
Vadim: Advice from the dad, who gave birth with his wife - The impressions are very different, the most difficult is to watch when a loved one has contractions, and when the process itself is already going on, it's easier, it seems that the light is already visible at the end of the tunnel 🙂 In principle, my wife said that I helped her a lot. For example, I don't remember driving home after giving birth. So it's up to you ... Personally, I would advise you to think about the decision to give birth together.
Alexey:They also discouraged me, they said that they say you won't see anything good there, but psychological problems may arise. I did not agree with all the advisers and was present at the birth, helped, which I do not regret at all. There is nothing scary, dirty and the like. Everything is quite natural and normal. There are no psychological problems at all. I began to treat my wife even better. So, if you really want to, then why not.
Reviews of women
Alena Britan:My husband was with me during childbirth, only in prenatal, he did not go to the delivery room, but he heard everything))) He said that he did not regret it. Although when I first talked with him about partner childbirth (being pregnant) I made five-kopeck eyes and said “well, I don’t know ... what I’ll do there ... scary ...” The first fear was precisely that he DIDN'T KNOW how it all went ... When I explained to him in detail how what was happening, the fear passed. Now he is proud to be with me. His help was to do a massage, go to the toilet with me, call a doctor, give me some water, or something else. But the presence of my husband at childbirth greatly influenced the attitude of the medical staff towards me. Everyone was attentive, caring, friendly. After 2 days, my friend gave birth there - the prenatal one opposite my ward. I went to her, well, so that she can do a massage or maybe something else she asked b. The nurse kicked me out of there quickly - they say nothing, let her yell, everyone gives birth and she gives birth. A friend asked to call a doctor, so no one except me went for a doctor. A friend shouts “I’m ALREADY ALREADY” the nurse is “too early, be patient,” but it turned out that she is in labor.In general, the husband is proud that he was there, that he had the opportunity to take the baby in his arms. Looking through the pictures from the delivery room, my heart skips a beat))) I also plan to ask friends as my husband in the male circle talked about childbirth.)))
Katia:I gave birth to two, I will go for the third soon. gave birth alone and did not want her husband to look at me and generally participate in this, this is some kind of really sacrament ... something = that is mine, primordially feminine, in general, I am selfish! then it's so nice to describe all this to my husband, to tell, he is proud of you, regrets, respects! but during the fights, you don’t remember anything because of the pain, my opinion would only interfere with my husband ... but I respect all the men who went through this with their wife!
Dasha:if both want and both are ready (that is, they are aware of what will really happen there), then we must go. The only advice is to let dad read about the physiology of childbirth, watch films about childbirth and let him know how to help you - massage, etc. peasants cannot stand aside, if it is hard for a wife, they have to do something (they have such a nature), therefore, the husband should have a clear set of exactly his obligations.
Conclusions
There is no unequivocal opinion about whether or not a husband should be with his wife during childbirth. But, at the same time, there are well-reasoned expert advice on which couples to do this is highly discouraged. It would be unwise not to listen to such advice.
Firstly, these are families in which there is an unreliable relationship between spouses. For this reason, the wife's pregnancy and the forthcoming birth may not improve the marital relationship, but, on the contrary, aggravate it. If the husband is nearby during childbirth, the woman can remember the wrongs caused to him, as a result of which childbirth may be complicated. Therefore, there is one of two things: either - the spouses must solve all the problems in advance, or - they should refuse joint childbirth.
Secondly, these are couples living in a civil marriage. Although at present such a marriage is considered in the order of things, in a psychological sense, a woman is arranged in such a way that in any case she wants her life to have a veil, a wedding ring on her finger and a stamp in her passport. During childbirth, all these unfulfilled women's desires can cause a woman to stress and resent the child's father who is present nearby, as a result of which all sorts of complications are possible.
In all other cases, the husband's participation or non-participation in joint childbirth depends on the decision of the spouses themselves.
My story of the first birth + Video from the hospital. Partner childbirth with her husband
Tutta Larsen
Partner birth: how is dad useful in labor? And in what cases is partner delivery superfluous?
