What to do if a child bites: advice from a psychologist

Our kids taste the world. And this is true, because the mouth, tongue, the receptors on it are the first tools of the baby, with the help of which he learns how life works. That is why the crumbs are so fond of dragging into their mouths everything that lies badly - from their toys to adult objects - glasses, keys and even money. Everyone, without exception, goes through this stage of development. But many children at a certain age develop another unpleasant habit - to bite or pinch others. The kid can bite other children on the playground or in the kindergarten, it is very painful to pinch relatives or guests who came to the house. Parents are ashamed, persuasion does not work on the child. What to do in this situation? How to wean a child from using nails and teeth?

Why is he doing this?

First you need to understand why the child does this.

Physiological need to bite. It is observed in children aged 5 months. The desire to bite and gnaw is quite understandable - the teeth are cut, the gums itch and swell, the crumbs have no other choice but to drag everything into their mouth and bite as hard as possible. This is an instinctive desire. The child is not aware of what he is doing. Typically, the "peak" of dental suffering lasts up to 9-11 months.
Emotional problems. From about 1 year old, the child bites quite deliberately. The fact is that the vocabulary of the crumbs is still extremely small, and I want to express feelings and emotions no less than an adult. Especially during periods of stress, vivid impressions. Therefore, the baby does not find any other way out but to resort to the familiar from birth instrument of contact with the world - the mouth.
Behavioral features... From one and a half to 3 years old, a baby can bite due to severe stressful situations. A typical example is a change of scenery when a child starts attending kindergarten. He tests the strength of the boundaries of reasonable and acceptable and seeks to keep the situation under control. Often he bites in the kindergarten, because this is how he tries to establish leadership in a team of peers.
Mental illness. It is possible to talk about the possible presence of a psychiatric diagnosis only if the child continues to bite at 4 years old, 5 years old, at 6-7 years old. In this case, it is necessary to consult a neuropsychiatric doctor.

Who bites?

The popularly known children's doctor Komarovsky assures that all children try to bite. I disagree with that. Anyway, none of my four children tried to bite. Yes, and friends of such troubles did not happen. But I will not underestimate the importance of the problem. I personally saw how in a kindergarten a teacher "scolded" a boy who bit two girls and a nanny. The picture is not pleasant.

So who is prone to biting?

Children are imitators. Guys who like to copy the behavior of others. When biting, they can mimic the actions of someone in the kindergarten group or even copy the mannerisms of a puppy or kitten living in your house.
Overly emotional children. Boys and girls who are overwhelmed with feelings, but due to insufficient maturity of the emotional sphere, they simply cannot express them in any other way.
Children who lack attention and love. In an attempt to attract attention, these guys often begin to bite and pinch. Moreover, if there is no one nearby who is suitable for these actions, then often such a kid bites his own hand.
Aggressive children. If by the age of 3 years the habit of biting has not disappeared, despite all the efforts of parents and educators, this may indicate deviations in the development of the child's personality. He has a high level of aggression. Mandatory consultation with a doctor is required, and then - strict adherence to a set of corrective measures.
Children with defects in the chewing muscles. An irresistible urge to bite is observed in children with weakness of the chewing muscles. Such babies cannot part with a pacifier for a long time, and by the age of 2 they switch to other objects, but already use their teeth.
Children from “at-risk families”. If in the family screaming, abuse, quarrels are normal and familiar, then the baby is trying to subconsciously "run away" from such a "paradise". He experiences resentment, bewilderment, fear, and often hatred. He can start biting as a defense, not being able to recognize his feelings and find an adequate way out for them.

Spoiled children. They are used to getting away with any trick, so why not bite?
Children who are prohibited from everything. If even that is not allowed at home, and it is not allowed, and in general the word “no” is heard more often than others, children begin to protest. By biting and pinching others, they seem to try to break out of the too rigid framework set for them from the outside.
Children who lack physical activity. If you move less than you want, then the need to bite becomes partially physiological.
Children who just enjoy biting.

How to fight?

The way to combat a harmful and traumatic habit directly depends on the reasons why the child began to bite.

If a baby's teeth are climbing - buy him silicone rings - teethers or special toys with "pimples" for gum massage. They are sold in pharmacies and children's stores. Gels like Metrogyl help. But before using medication, it is better to consult a doctor.

If, while breastfeeding, you notice that the baby has begun to "hooligan" - to bite on purpose, immediately take off the breast. So he will develop a reflex "bitten - lost food." He will stop biting quite quickly, because even the smallest child is not his own enemy, and he perfectly understands what he really needs for a comfortable life.

For older kids, it's a good idea to increase physical activity. Do exercises, gymnastics, take your baby to the swimming section.

Emotional children need to systematically "put into their heads" every day the idea that feelings can and should be spoken. Let him learn from an early age to express his emotions with the words: “I am scared”, “I am offended”, “I like this toy because it is…”, “I don’t want to visit, because…”.

If a child has weak chewing muscles, and he bites, as they say, not out of malice, eating solid food will help to cope with the situation - more often let the baby gnaw an apple, raw carrot, cabbage stalk. An excellent exercise for the chewing muscles is inflating balloons and soap bubbles.

It is advisable to work with a psychologist with children from so-called "conflict" families. And, of course, it is important to eliminate all negative factors that make the baby experience stress and accumulate aggression.

When to seek help from specialists?

Each parent must find the answer to this question himself, but you should be alerted by the child's "biting" behavior if he is already more than three years old, if an unpleasant situation has recently occurred in the family and in the kindergarten, which has made a strong traumatic impression on the baby's psyche... You should also consult a doctor if, in addition to increased "biting" and "tingling", the child has other oddities in behavior. For example, the baby began to show aggression and cruelty towards his toys (throws, deliberately breaks), animals (bullies), the baby can hardly concentrate on anything, does not sleep well at night. All these signs can indicate the presence of a mental disorder.

Psychologist's advice

You can often hear this advice “And bite him back. Let him feel! ”. It is absolutely impossible to do this. First, the baby can perceive it as a game, and begin to bite with a vengeance. And secondly, he takes an example from adults, and if mom can bite, then why can't a baby?

The task of the parents is to begin to suppress bites and pinches from the child as soon as possible. For children who are more intelligent than babies, the “Eye-to-eye contact” method is suitable. Squat down so that your eyes are at the same level as your baby's. Make eye contact and firmly, but without anger, tell the child: “Okay. Do. You can't. Never. With no one." If your toddler tries to bite again, just take away eye contact. Do not look at him, no matter how hard he tries to attract attention, show that it is unpleasant for you to communicate with a bite.

If a child has mastered the art of manipulation (usually this happens at the age of 1.5–2 years) and blackmails the parents with the help of bites, stop this in the bud. You should not enter into a contractual relationship with a little terrorist.

Impressionable children will not be very pleased if we scream loudly at the moment of the bite. Make them feel sorry for you later, because you are in pain. Feel free to describe your bite or pinch discomfort to your baby.

If the baby at home is an angel in the flesh, and in kindergarten it stops being a bully and bites, talk to his teachers. Make it clear to them that the kid does not need to be punished in public - put in a corner in front of the whole group, scold loudly. Such actions usually have the opposite result - the baby will begin to bite even harder and more often, and he will do this in order to regain his authority in the team, and at the same time to protest.

When scolding a baby at home, remember that you should only condemn the child's act, not himself. No matter how overwhelmed you are with negative emotions, do not allow weighty and offensive words, do not say that the child is bad, harmful, angry. He is your best, but his biting habit is really bad and harmful.

Try to get an apology from the biting child. After each incident, he must ask the person bitten by him for forgiveness.

The most common reason a child bites and nibbles is an accumulation of internal aggression. Teach the child to give her a way out... To do this, play role-playing games. Play at home a scene on the topic “How will I behave if my toy is taken away from me in the kindergarten” or “What will I do if other children do not take me to play with them?”. Let the child reproduce difficult situations for himself, and "act out" other possible solutions to a problem that he has already tasted.