How to stop yelling at a child? We understand the reasons and listen to a psychologist

The best mom is patient, everyone knows this, but not everyone can fulfill this golden rule. We often hear and see calls for help on the Internet: "I am a bad mother, I shout at my child." If you decide to change your life, then this article will help you take the first steps towards harmony.

Causes

1. "Traditions" from generation to generation

Grandma yelled at mom, mom at me, and I pass on my experience as well. They didn't teach me any other way.

Remember that you are an adult, you can pull yourself together, control emotions and speech. Everyone wants to have healthy offspring, and not only physically but emotionally. Show patience, hug and kiss your baby more often. Your child deserves to live in love and joy.

2. Disruption of anger on a weak opponent

The kid cannot answer, stand up for himself, give a worthy rebuff. We are annoyed with another person or with a situation, with a husband, mother-in-law, maybe we were offended at work or pushed on the street. Any incident can provoke a breakdown.

Find your own unloading method. Punch a pear, go to the gym, take an incense bath - whatever to vent your anger, relax.

3. I know what's best!

Often our requirements for a child are not justified, we try to “live life anew”, we force them to learn what we have not taught, to do what we dreamed about.

Let the child choose his own path, live his life, without pressure and screaming. Advise, reason, help choose, but without coercion. This will only harm the kid, he will close, move away due to misunderstanding, and it will be difficult for him to realize himself, because for the most significant people he is not good enough.

4. Time management

We don't know how to organize our day. We rush, run, or, on the contrary, watch a series, and then in a short time we want to have time to redo everything. And as a result - stress, tension, dissatisfaction with oneself and the quality of one's life. The child is guilty, of course, he is indulging, running away, carried away by something at the wrong time.

We are late, shout, pull "eat faster, get dressed", etc. The child does not know how to rush, and should not. He does not understand, but only feels your indignation.

Learn to plan your day. Do not overload yourself, leave time for rest, playing with your child, talking with your husband. Don't set unattainable goals - this will only increase the tension.

5. Lack of patience

We also shout when we repeat the same thing many times, we answer the same questions. We help with lessons, but the child does not understand the elementary things.

Pull yourself together, don't shout, point out, or order. Playfully, or just calmly explain over and over. The child is developing, help him, accept him as he is. Children grow up, but the relationship between you remains. Children develop rejection, confidence in their own inferiority.

6. Orientation towards others

My neighbor's children are always so neat, but mine is not raised, runs and makes noise. In an effort to justify ourselves, to prove to everyone that I am a good mother, we urge, shout, forbid. Moreover, in another situation, the same actions do not cause such a reaction. Since this is not a desire to educate, but a desire to appear better than we are.

The kid is confused, he is upset - try to stick to your own rules constantly. Do not mislead the kid, because he cannot be a hypocrite with you.

7. Anxiety and fear for the child

Terror grips, it seems that now something will happen. He falls, hits, gets sick, so we shout and pull: don't climb, don't walk, you will crash. First of all, you must understand that it is normal to worry about your child. Especially in the first three years after birth, the panic gradually disappears.

Do not cheat yourself, do not look for negativity on the net and on TV. Take comfort in the fact that all the children are sick, all fall, put the energy into a peaceful channel, take care of yourself and your home.

Tear off your child from yourself more often, leave it to grandmother for a couple of hours or to dad. Be vigilant, but don't cultivate panic.

Do not prohibit without explaining the reason: each prohibition must be explained, otherwise you risk raising a person who is afraid of everything.

8. Disobedience of the child, when it seems that he is doing everything for evil

It seems to us that the only way to be heard is to shout. In fact, it's better to find a special approach. From the cry, the children do not understand what they are demanding. They shout - it means they do not love, the child is worried and lost. What if you fell out of love for scattering toys.

Hold back! For instance:

do not shout from afar, do not press, your wishes should correspond to the baby's thinking. Before 6 years old, it is best not only to tell what to do and how, but also to practice, to do the necessary action together.
if your child is a leader, no matter how much pressure on him, he will not apologize and will not adjust. It is better to negotiate with these children, explain kindly, teach them to take responsibility for their actions.

Do not forget that too strict upbringing contributes to the development of addiction, a double life. The kid understands that lying and cheating is the only way to keep the peace with parents who do not seek compromises. No child should listen to insults, learn to respect him.

Ways to avoid screaming

Establish a relationship of trust. Total control and unconditional submission are not needed. Ask for the opinion of the little person - “How do you want? Can you help me? " If you need to ask your child about something important, go up to him, sit on his level, take his hand or hug. Address him with patience and explaining your motives. Both you and your baby should understand that the most important thing is your relationship and love, not completed assignments.
Praise, say warm words for every good deed. Encourage your child as often as possible, no useful action should go unnoticed.
For special situations, prepare in advance. Tell us that there are critical, emergency incidents. If there is a security threat, everyone must obey the elder unconditionally. Explain that these rules are for everyone and that you are also willing to obey.
Try to understand the child, he too gets tired and is in a bad mood. Look for an excuse for him, reduce the conflict to nothing.
Imagine that the child is a stranger. Think whether it is right that we are much more patient with other people's pranks, this is not fair. Hold back, baby is not your property. These role-playing games will help you to be more loyal to leprosy.
Set the mode. If your baby hasn't slept enough, it's hard to get ready the next day. I don't feel like dressing and studying. Organize not only your time, but teach how to properly manage your baby's time.

Change everything today, tell yourself that you deserve to live in peace, promise that the baby will no longer hear your cry.

When to see a psychologist

In everyday life, it can be difficult to understand your own relationships, because all family members are involved in a conflict.

Consider the cases when a visit to a specialist is necessary.

I just can't manage myself, there is an unaccountable fear for the child. And he tried to persuade himself, and I understand that shouting is bad. But here again I am not holding back, and I see no way out. No matter how hard I try to pull myself together, I can't. A visit to a psychologist will help you “make friends” with your subconscious, understand the motives and reasons for inappropriate behavior, understand internal processes, and seek support in simple things.
Depression, irritability - last a long time. You can't get distracted with your friends, changes don't bring relief. In this case, the psychologist will help you understand where the failure occurred and why there is not enough vitality.
The crisis and loneliness in the family. It becomes difficult, resentment and anger are accumulated, no one understands, there is no way out. In this case, the experience of a psychologist will be useful for you to open up, renew good relationships with loved ones, establish contact and analyze your own mistakes.
Psychosomatics. The accumulated irritation and fears translate into physical suffering (headaches or abdominal pain). All this affects the well-being of the family and your child. Swearing exacerbates the situation exponentially. It is necessary to understand with the help of a specialist, to find the true causes of poor health in a timely manner. Do not delay going to a psychologist.

Tips

The situation is not always so critical that the intervention of an outsider is needed. Everything is in our hands, and if you focus on the problem, you can try to find a solution and ways of self-regulation.

Bring yourself to your senses, look in the mirror at the time of the argument. This face, disfigured by anger, is seen by a child every time you scream.
Let your child interrupt you if you start screaming. Any convenient phrase or movement is a signal for you. React to the limitation correctly, admit that you were shouting in vain, explain why you are upset. And explain it all over again.
In some cases, sedatives can be used. For example, a cup of hot herbal tea can help you recover and relax your nervous system.
Read more literature on family and child relationships. Knowledge is power, it will be easier for you to navigate the motives of certain actions.
Organize your life and set rules. For example, make it clear that cleaning is more important than cartoons. When the toys are removed, then turn on the TV. These rules must be strictly followed.
Listen to yourself, analyze what your anger is really connected with. Think well and change your behavior.
Only punish when you are calm. “I'm upset that you pushed my sister, we'll talk about it tonight. Until then, I ask you not to do this again. " Think it over calmly and come up with an adequate punishment.
Do not threaten, act wisely, take your time: excessive threats that are not followed undermine your credibility. Say that you see disobedience and punishment will follow later.
Speak calmly - this will actually calm you down. Moreover, the more measured the tone of our speech, the better others perceive us.
Praise yourself. It takes a lot of effort to achieve harmony, do not try to achieve perfection on the first day. Reward yourself for victories, slowly but surely you move towards the goal.
Every psychologist knows very well that swearing contributes to future failures and defeats. Complexes, fears, nervousness - this is a small fraction of the consequences that children will take from an aggressive family. They will carry and carry on to their children. It is necessary to stop this chain in time, make efforts right now, because if you are reading this article, then you yourself understand that you are doing wrong.